Wednesday, November 30, 2005

As I am listening to this song, again a lot come to my mind. As time goes by, everyone just want to stay the way they are and not to grow up. Who really want to grow up? If you do, you are bluffing yourself. We are uncertain of what we will go through but we will also love the past more than the present and future. We always seem to miss out on certain things we are to do. So what ever it is, we got to do it when we are in it, or we won’t know when we will have another chance to do it. Be it to woo a girl or to say sorry to anyone. So I never like to waste any second of my life doing nothing. The past just appears before you and you will sometimes wonder if you could do better. When we are alone we will just blame that life is not fair and will smile on the happy things and to cry on the things that is so meaningful. As time passes, we will surely remember the good and bad times we have with our friends. Now when we have all grown up and busy with life, will the friendship still be there? Or will it be gone? Now that our thoughts have matured with other priorities, will we still true and transparent as we were? We will lie to ourselves saying that this won’t happen and that we are still who we are and that our work will never change who we used to be. We just hope to be set free. Will we still behave tomorrow like the way we behave today? Will we be changed by the world out there? Times passes so fast that all these have became history to us and what we miss out come back as a bad memory to haunt us. Will the good times we shared be forgotten? Will the fun days we used to have continue? Will we still be who we are? We keep thinking all will stay what they are but sadly it doesn’t. Even as Christian, our thinking will change and we will still grow with time. That is why there are backsliders. They are affected by their life and have forgotten about what Jesus have done for them. This is a sad world; I now can understand why God want to destroy the world during Noah’s time. I get sick of seeing people who have motives behind whatever they do. They hope to reap a harvest for what they do. Study because they want to get a good job. Eat because they are hungry. Buy branded because the want to flaunt their wealth. SICK…



Tuesday, November 29, 2005

During this holiday i have been thinking of alot of things. Not that i want to think about them but that they just come into my brain. So many things just appear in my mind and i can't get them out. Everything just come back to me. Firstly is the life i am living and i think i share quite a bit in my previous post. Next is that i feel that studying is really not my cup of tea. I don't want to study anymore liao. Just feel like getting a job an save some money and start my own business or to get a badminton coach cert and to teach badminton. Why do people want to study? Also i want to go overseas to a place that i dream about. Then, i think about all the friends i made during this life and the things we did together that is so significant. Just hope that the time will go back to where it was, but then i will miss out on other friends. choices. I just hope i can handle friendship better than i used to. I want to get a new bike to go cycling with my friends but i know i won't use the bike as much. Without my bike i have reduced alot of my pleasure. Less badminton, less night movie, less night cycling and less distant locaton. If i were to spend my money on bike then i will have less money to use. What i hope for at this moment is a whole day of badminton from morning to night. To wear all my jerseys in one day. Meet many friends in badminton. Until now, when going for tournament, i will still meet friends from primary school or from my opponents' team. Great friends are hard to come by, treasure once you find one. Got so much to wirte and i don't know how to comtinue. will continue in my next post. Every post will contain two points of what i am thinking in this season to better express myself.



Wednesday, November 23, 2005

2005 is coming to an end. During this year many things happened, good and bad. Sometimes i am confused about which of it is good and which of it is bad. I just feel that everything happen so fast that i can't handle them all. I never regret doing anything last time but now i regretted a few doings. I have emotions that i do not have last time and i got feelings i did not experience before. I can't even explain things clearly to myself now. I started to do things i used to hate and i stopped doing things i used to like. Nowadays i don't feel like staying at home but i always like to stay at home last time. I start to treasure friendship unlike last time. But the fact that friendships never last keeps hurting me. Now i am trying to freeze my heart back before it completely melts away. Sometimes i don't even know what i am doing. It never pays to be too focus into something. Am i too comitted or am i not committed enough? I will always face this question in whatever i do. Things you do for others are often not appreciated but i keep doing all this stupid things. I am now always concern about others' feelings when i know that this feelings have no benefit to me and will cause me to think about it. I am a christian but i used to detest religions. I now give lead my life as an example for others, but last time i don't even care what people think of me. I reduces drinking to almost zero in my life where i used to drink almost all the time. I reduce the number of ghost and religious movie that i love alot. I never respected any teachers but now i am giving them my attention and respect. What is happening to me? What have i become now? I am neither in the past nor am i living in the present. I am confused of who i am and what i have become. Should i stick to who i am now or should i go back to who i was? I will be more carefree and less worries if i go back to who i am and i will not be emotionally hurt as i am now. But i will not have a purpose in life to live for. confused in this situation and i am experiencing a bad event that i can't get over. All this is pushing me to the corner and i can't find anyone to share my problems with. Just hope to sleep and don't wake up......



Monday, November 21, 2005

today is the 21 and my birthday was on the 14. Untill yesterday i am still getting presents from my friends. Isn't that wonderful. Don't know will i be getting more gifts. I like this hanger or don't know what should i call it, it is from Trina. It says about the footprints on the beach for a guy that have Jesus with him. Love it very much and it is what i really need now, God to carry me and walk me through. Got this nice cross keychain from ShiShi. It is shiny and is silver and it is what i really fancy but too bad it isn't a necklace. Also got a tub of white chocolate from Shujuan. Don't know how long will it take for me to finish all of it. Got a Doreamon from Bernice and it is a cartoon character i like during my younger days. Then on sunday, got a whole lots of chocolate from Dorothy. Thanks for everything. But don't know how long will it take for me to finish all the chocolates in my house. People, next time want to give me chocolate please buy dark chocolate or one that have alcohol. Also got a set of cups from luke. Like them very much but it is a bit too much cup for me to use.Also got alot of other gfts but it will take me a whole day to compile all of them, but i know who give me the presents and i love every single one of it. Got alot of sms greetings from my friends as well, thanks guys. The single greeting that suprise me is from Edward my not so close friend from PJC. Don't think that he will send me but he did. Cool guy. A sms greeting that i am glad to receive was from my brother, choon poh. Same year, same month, same date. But the best gift of the year should be the presence of someone. My friend Meng hui who is there to celebrate with me. Actually, he is with me for almost the whole day. I always enjoys his company. Too bad he doesn't play badminton or else he will surely make a good partner. I feel comfortable talking to him. Seems like i am mixing too much with PJC people. Cheers. Continue in the next post.



Tuesday, November 15, 2005

well, on 14 november that is yesterday, i turned 18. In the early morning, went for A math with meng hui at matthew's house but the both of us was like overwhelmed by it. Don't even know why i want to take it in the first place. after that we went for lunch and don't know what lead to a 2 hour long debate on apple and windows. whenever we are together, we can really talk about alot and i really mean alot. Then went to plaza Sing to have dinner. Went to manhatten Fish market and the food is nice and the environment is good. Received gift from Trina, stephanie, Matthew and melvin. Thanks for all of the gift. also did recive sms greetings from alot of people. Thanks people. Also want to wish my brother, choon poh a happy birthday. going to celebrate many more birthday with you. The biggest gift was from Nick's father. He paid for our meal and i didn't expect that. after the meal, went to town for swenson and jalan jalan there. after everything, we walked back home. nice day. Today, went to have breakfast with melvin at henderson market. then went to fetch meng hui to go for a intensive A math crash course. Went for the paper in the afternoon and it killed me and i think meng hui can't survive it either. oh, recieve also friendster greetings. Thanks people. I didn't expect Edward to sent his greetings but he did. Can see that he is a really nice guy and hope to know him better. got other presents but too long to state them all. want to know, come ask me...



Saturday, November 05, 2005

Read an article on loneliness and discovered that everyone on earth is a lonely soul. Even those who have many friends are also lonely. As the chinese version goes, when the night comes and the rain is heavy, who can you talk to? who can you share you problems with? When you have a friend, make sure he is true and not after any benefit that you have for him. Such as money or fame or even for girls. I have seen quite alot of these people and truely they exist all around and they are not that difficult to find. Although you have many friends, but you might not know who is a real friend you can call when you need a listening ear. How do you know they really want to provide that listening ear? In the end you will end up being very lonely because you have shared all your time with everyone and no one knows more about you than the others. Although they call you close friend, but how close are you really? This is like economics, the central problem that is scarcity which equates to limited resources and unlimited wants. You have limited time to spare but there are many out there that wants your time. So is it that good to have many people who ask you out all the time? In the end you will end up no having any frineds because they will tell you this: "that time I ask you out you say not free, now I am not free". Needless to say for those who have no friends at all. Surely they are lonely. That is the meaning of lonely isn't it? Don't decieve yourselves by saying you are not lonely. Maybe not at this moment, but surely at some point of time that you will feel lonely. Be sensitive to those around you. Make sure you give them whatever a friend should deserve. Or else when you are lonely and you need someone, you might not find anyone.