Saturday, December 31, 2005

As 2005 is coming to an end in about 3 hours time, i have alot to say about this year, both good and bad. I will leave the best to be said at the end.
Firstly, I only accepted christ this year although I have been introduced to him last year. I am glad I did and that He have blessed me all the while. He is truly a good God that no one else can be compared with. I would really like my friends to come and know Him and no one will ever say He is no good. Also that i got baptised this year. It is really great to be baptised. I really love my God alot, Although there is trials and test but i know what He do is all for my benefit.
Secondly, I have made many new friends and get to know more things through them and also experience new things with them. In school, in church and from life. Somethings in school shows me that everyone work for benefit for ownself instead of doing things to benefit all. This might be because of too much influence from the environment that makes everyone think about themselves more than others. This is the most important reason why i hate JCs and express students. No one single express student know life and the world good enough to co-exist with them all. If given a choice, I would rather not go to school because it is school itself that corrupt student's mind. To cause them to see results, grades and attributions as the most important thing in life. But also thanks to all this that let me learn so much.
Now let me start on the most memorable experience of 2005. It is a person and a guy. Don't be mistaken that i am a gay. But think some might have guessed it right. He is meng hui. Actually i know him since 2004 but only get to know him better in 2005. He is a good guy but he don't really know how to see people around him and their feelings and not know what to do at the right time. I enjoy going out with him and even the chattings that we have. Whenever we chat, we will go on and on for a long while and it is always fun. I treat him as one good pal and a real kin. Just as Proverbs 18:24 states "A man who has friends must himself be friendly,but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. " He is what this verse truly says. But whatever i do for him, i never hope that he will repay me. I do things that i never hope to be repaid but it would be best if he do. I also never aspect him to treat me the way i treat him because he too have his own friends and those that he can really clique with. I hope that our friendship can grow to be like the one i share with Dianto and even Choon poh. Last time, Dianto and i spend almost every afternoon at his house playing computer, going Great World city and even just chatting at his house. I really hope that meng hui and i can be like that. The kind of joy is unexplainable. Dianto and i joined badminton together and also joined scouts together and truly enjoyed all of it. This type of friendship is what i yearn for but as time passes and we grow older, it is impossible to get the same feeling again.
I can feel that the friendship meng hui and i share is fading away but that is part of life. We only see each other a few times in church every week and sometimes not even see each other and talk to each other at all. But as i said, this is part of life and it is unavoidable. No friends last, neither friends nor foe is eternal. If we can get over it then we can truly say we have grown up.
Although this entry is very long but i still want to write about my wishes for the new year. This is only onces in a year so just read on.
1)hope that i will grow strong in my lord Jesus christ and learn His ways and wear on the invulnerable armour that God gave us.To be a strong Christian and grow favour in the lord Jesus Christ.
2)to get my studies over and done with and never see another book or anything about education again.
3)to train up my body and get more tanned also to build up my stamina for longer badminton exchange.
4)to have lots of money so that i can buy any thing i want.
5)to find better friends that is less selfish and care more about others.
6)also that our g12 can grow larger.



Monday, December 26, 2005

Christmas is a time of celebration. It is celebrating the born of christ Jesus. It is not about gifts and presents. It is not about giving someone a present expensive enough to match up to the one he give you or to see who give you present and you must give something back. It is about giving and not expecting any thing in return. We shouldn't think so much about the presents but we should spent more time thinking about what Jesus our God have done for us. We should give thanks to him. I am glad to receive the gifts of this Christmas and am gratful to those who give me the presents. Among all the gifts, each of them are expensive in their own way. What i expect most is not the gifts but a really good meal with two or three of my best friends. Just to sit there and chat with my friends and not to think so much about the worldly things. I just hope that i have thousands of dollars and just treat my friends to a nice trip overseas. Anyway, amoung the presents, the best one i like a gift from my good friend. He gave me this bookmark that is gold-plated. I really like it so much and i don't know how to use it to really show my gratitude. It is not about the cost of it but the friendship behind the gift. He is not a rich person but i am not concern about that. If he give me even just a card i am still very happy because i know he spend time on buying the card and all. Again i want to say that it is not about the money. Never be afraid that your gift is not good enough. just have a meal with me and even the cheapest gift will be made expensive. Money is not what i am after, true friendship is what i yearn. A good meal is even more appreciated. No need in be in any high class expensive restaurant, but any place of great food is good enough. Even a whole day at the hawker will also make me happy if there is great food and great friends who can really chat with. I am actually a very easy guy to please. I like simple and plain things and not those only nice at the appearance type. I also like going out with friends and just stay out the whole day and do things together. Going out doesn't need to have money but good company. We are GOING OUT and not shopping. If we are shopping then we need to have the money. I also don't mind going far away just as long as my friends are there. Lastly, let me say a big thank you to all and i hope to have a meal with you all.



Saturday, December 24, 2005

Friends. What are they actually? Friends only when they are not in competition? But when competition arises they become enemies? Why do you want to get jealous of your friends? Is it because you think you are not good enough and you know that your friend is truly better than you in everyway and that you cannot outstand him? That you know that when you two are competing you will surely lose? Well let me tell you this, if this is how you think you are a pain in the ass. You can die and perish in hell for all I care. Friendship has a higher meaning to what brainless people can think of. Friendship is higher than any love relation. If there is anything that can last that will be friendship. But people nowadays just abuse it and take it for granted.
If you like to read wu xia xiao shuo, you will truly know what is friendship. If your brother likes your girl, you will offer the girl to your friend and the only person to trust is your friend. The only person to die for is also for friends. But all is different now. What is the true meaning of friendship now? Is it that we are friends as long as you don’t fight with me for the same thing? If that is the case then I would say that friendship is truly worthless. I hope to find a genuine friendship that goes beyond that. I am always a man of my words, if I say A I will not do B. If you are truly a friend then you should know this well. Anyway, I am never threatened by any words so if it is a fight you want then it is a fight you will get. Shouldn’t friends trust friends? I trust meng hui for everything and even if I don’t believe I will trust him. I give him the priority in everything. If I have to rate the friendship, his will go off the chart. That is what friends should be like. Even if we fall in love with the same girl and if he likes, I will step back. Love relation should not hinder friendship. If it does, then this will not be true friendship already.
You shouldn’t see what you can reap out of any friendship. Be it monetary or other areas like to get to another girl or even to get to know somebody. This is not call friendship but a deal. Don’t commit into any friendship if you know you can’t give it your best. For example I have a good friendship with meng hui and that not because I want to get any benefit from it but that I expected true friendship between us. That should be the only reason. I did things for him that is between us and that not because of any other reasons but simply that I value him as a good friend. I am not after his money nor am I trying to get to someone close to him. Many a time people make friends because of the wrong reason. Who now truly sees friends as a close companion?
To me, I prefer my friends to be competitive so that I can grow stronger with him/her together. It is no point being the strongest with no friends and the world will be a lonely place. In ancient time, if a friend dies, one will not seek to live in this world. That is the true spirit of friendship. But overly competitive is also not good. It will demoralize your friends as well and make them feel inferior. If any one is not happy with my friend, tell me, I can serve all ties with you. Don’t mess with my friends or I will get nasty with you. To live 18 years of this life, I have learned many things. One of which is that things bestow upon you may not be things that you wish for, they are just bonus. I can tell you this; I can forego anything that is not want I truly wanted. If I want to achieve something, I will surely do what is in my means to get things done; even in friendship this is true.
I do not envy a huge network of friends but I envy those who have really close friends. Not those that spur you on the bad things but those that give you encouragement and tell your wrong doing when they sees one.
Some people don’t like my attitude but all I can say is that I am not living for people. I live for a higher cost and I will only change for my close friends but not to the public. I don’t care of what people see me as just as long as my friends know who I really am.



Sunday, December 18, 2005

Let me start by asking a question. Who in this world have never feel lost before? Even the strongest Christian will also have a time that they feel lost. Me? I am not a strong Christian and therefore I feel lost all the time. I know that I should seek God and with God we are whole and shouldn’t feel lost but all these is easier said than done. Anyway, let us get to the point.
Lost is when you feel that you do not know what to do, where to go or even how to do. Do you ever had the feeling that after lesson or after something important, you do not know what to do? Or where to go? Or even who to go with? That feeling is lost. After lunch the whole group of friends sits there wondering what to do next. When you are in the middle of two groups of friends and both group want to do different things and the group that you want to go out with never ask you along but the other group that you don’t really want to go out with ask you out. All these don’t know what to do are actually signs of lost. What is actually feeling lost? How does it appear? Why does it appear?
Feeling lost is when you actually have something in your mind that you want to do but never seems to be able to do it and even when you have nothing in mind of what to do at all. To put it simple, you do not have a visible objective. A good example of such is like holiday is coming to an end and you know it well but you don’t know what to do to make full use of the remaining time. Lost happens when you have no idea of what to do. It appears when you do not plan the day before-hand and let things go one step at a time. But when time comes we usually don’t know what to do. It occurs when one have no one close to. There is no usual group to hang out with. But it is not only so but that even with a usual group, there will also be times that you will feel lost.
How can anyone escape the torment of feeling lost? By being cold? By isolating oneself?
Or simply by planning your days weeks before? I prefer isolating myself and not knowing about everything. Not knowing means no worries. Today while I was sleeping at luke’s house I was not aware of what is happening and I was enjoying myself. I don’t want to bother about any thing already. People’s problem is not my concern. I live my life the way I want. I don’t want to care about any other things. I am giving myself a break and get back the relation I once used to have with God. I don’t need man and I don’t need any close friends. Everyone will just be a normal friend to me. I will also go out less with my friends. Neither friends nor foe last….



Thursday, December 15, 2005

well, the holiday is coming to an end. So many things happened in this year. Be it good or bad, happy or sad, i enjoyed every part of it. Many of my prayer this year was answered and i really want to thank God for it. I have changed alot since last year and i am glad i did for some of the changes. Now i really get to know who i really is an going to be. My life is full of aims and goals and mission. Some sticky problems also came up and i learned alot from all this and thanks to my friend who helped me in some if not all of this situation and if you have been reading my post, you might have guessed it right. If you don't know can come ask me. I really can't forget about this year 2005 and i don't want to let go of it. The older we grow, we will lose the child in us and we will not be what we used to be. With this opportunity, i want to give thanks to my friend and most importantly my God because we must always give thanks before everything. I got this cool friend that went through quite a few trials with me. When we first know each other, we are very close and if you see him, most probably you will see me as well. But then, i became quite busy with alot of things and we hang out less. But people no matter what, we are always that close. I am a person that values friendship. It is not that i don't like to be linked with him but that i don't want to be known because of him. I was afraid that there might be misunderstanding between us and i prayed alot about it and did spend time to sms to chat with him. If you know me, i don't like north part of Singapore because there is no life, unlike who i am that always like to go enjoy myself. I also never like and never want to step into cck. But last week, i give my friend face and i went to yew tee to have dinner with him. This is what true friend is i suppose. someone also asked me why am i spending so much money for his christmas present compared to the rest and i was stunned at that moment and i can't answer that. God's work is ever so wonderful and puzzling. Don't be mistaken that i want him to like be so gratful. I never hope for any repayment when i do something. This is just a sharing. Just want people to know that he is never forgotten and i will always value him as that special. Don't ask me why or whatsoever. I can never answer the questions. So don't mess with my friends or you will get it from me. Just want to end off by a simple prayer. God in the highest, i want to pray that you will bless this friendship and use us.



Monday, December 05, 2005

Emotion is defined as a strong feeling in the dictionary. It is just a feeling? Sometimes emotion is more than a feeling, it includes action, thinking and other aspect. Like when you are angry, that is an emotion in work and it is a feeling you feel. Your actions also shows that you are angry and you will surely think of taking things into your own hand. Some emotion is also very strange and some is just unexplainable. For example feeling lost suddenly. Or out of nowhere you started scolding people and is unhappy about everything.
Love and crush is two type of emotion that people can’t understand. Love is often cultivated over time. What people say about love at first sight is actually a crush. This kind of feeling is the same when you are young and when you see a teacher and you are like mesmerized by him or her. You know why boy girl relation in young age often never last? That is because all this emotion at work is not love but crush. Kids just think that they are so handsome or beautiful and they just start to go flirting around. How can you love someone when you don’t really know that person? Kids, what do you know about love? Sometimes it is just that they go for the look. They want to look cool with a nice good looking person beside them. They just think they know a lot with a lot of experience with relation, but are they? If they are really so good at it, why did their own relation just ended like that. The simple reason is that the crush is gone. When true love appears, it can never be avoided.
This emotion not only works in BGRs, but also in friendships. You think that someone is worthy of your friendship and there is always a reason behind it. It can be that you truly click together or you share a common interest or you feel cool hanging around him or he is rich or he is influential or whatever reasons it may be. These are all not true friendship. All this can be replaced and your friendship will go away. People often think that they have good friends around but are they really? Let us search our heart and see what the reason behind every friend we made is. Maybe through this, we can even get back to our true friendship that we once had.