Wednesday, May 31, 2006

nowadays when i see people i feel very sick. i just don't want to get to know them. when i see people that i know, i will just pretend i did not see them. i just feel that i have seen the ugly side of human and i do not want to see any more if i can. i will just find anyway possible to escape from crowds and people. everyone just have a ugly side and it is time we find them out or when they surface later, it might just be too late. it is so hard to just smile and pretend to be happy and joke and chat with people. it is just not me. even the test we did for learning style in school prove that i am a solitary person and i am just not good with people. hope that one big fire will just wipe out every human in this world so i need not see them. now just in the process of changing ALL the friends i had to a totally new group. i even want totally isolation from them and stop all forms of contact. this will stop when i can find the "perfect" group of friends which are not as ugly.

to think for others is so hard and they just don't understand. people just like to reason things out with their naive ideas. so i will start to think more for myself than for others...



Sunday, May 28, 2006

Here is a few question i need help to answer.

why is there racist?
how do we choose our best friend?
why do we like to spend money?
why do we want to buy branded?
who do we usually source help from?
who decide our future?
when will happiness start and end?
why do we hate someone?
why do we like to hang out with particular person?
how we we like to spent our free time?
how long does we need to sleep?
when do we know we should stop doing something?
why do friendship turn sour?
what is the meaning of God?
where is the best place to relax?
where is the best place to makan?
who can we trust?



Monday, May 15, 2006

while, just have to say if one doesn't say anything doesn't mean everything is fine. Someone who seems easy to bully might not really be that easy to bully.

if someone keeps something from you doesn't mean that that he is all well. All i have to say is that i am going through a period of time that i still do not know what is really all about.Sorry for not able to share much or in fact all of it. If during this period i behave weirdly and is anti-social to some, i apologise first.

What i need now is peace and quiet and maybe some freedom and more time. I might not reply messages, turn down outings, not answer calls or even give attitude. But this is not a permanent thing.

Need God now and need Him for comfort. GOD.. I need you!!!



Sunday, May 14, 2006

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Just watched finish i not stupid too and i got alot of feeling and idea inside me.

Maybe not all but some of us have been marked as rotten apple in our life. It might not just be in the area of studies but also in other areas as well. But at the end, there is a part in like most, that if a apple is rotten, just cut off the part and the rest will still be good for consumption. Many a times we also label someone as a rotten apple and is good for nothing but if we look from another side, we might still find that the other side is good.

In the movie, the parent's of Tom does not understand their kids. But in our life, we are also the same. We see things only from the view point that we want and we only insist that we are right. But we should just cool down and just see it from all the sides before we come to a conclusion.

Who is truly our friends? Someone we think is good to us or someone we think we can get along with? We are often betrayed by the one we trust the most. In the show, Tom was betrayed by those that he called brothers. In our subconsious mind, we will often make use of those that we are closest to. Believe it or not even the smallest thing like getting them to carry our stuff when in fact we could do it ourselves is also a form of making use of people.

I know now why i like my house more than any other place. Not that my house is very big and luxurious but that it is small and it brings warm. I can be who i am and need not act infront of others. When we have no friends to turn to, we still have our family to turn to.

From young, we get all the praises and encouragement but we seem to lost in on the walk of growing up. We also don't know how to praise someone. Even when we praise, there is a motive behind it. Like in a competition, your team members praise you when you win a game is because you have increased their chances of winning. Have we lost the ability to praise from the depth of our heart?

"If you throw, you are left with nothing."
"Everyone needs encouragement."
"In every child, there is an angel and a devil."
"Resources used wrongly will become waste and waste used correctly will become resources."
"Appreciation is a powerful force."



Sunday, May 07, 2006

I have been in church for quite a while and have seen many come and go. From a devoted christian to a backslider, from a well known person to someone who people never speak about and from couple to not speaking to each other. All this let me stop and think about what is reality actually.
Mr A is a close friend to Mr B, but after a while, Mr A is seen with Mr C and after a while more, he is seen with Mr D. Mr A never had another look at B, c and even D after a period of time. James( not the real name) was a famous person in church and people know him from all the activities he is in, drama, skit, performance, games and even ministry. But not long later, no one remember who James is and what he have done. No one even mention his name in the church and he drop from a number one person in church to the last person or even not knowing he is in the church. Wayne(not his real name) is a well known person in the church and everyone knows him. After an incident, people just never mention that person again. It is like Wayne is never from the church.
Many a times we just forget someone who we are once close to or that we know of. Are we that heartless? or are we just avoiding something. We have been close to Mr A before but for no special reason, the relation just fade away. Is this normal for the passing of time? or is it not? who can have a explaination for all this?
All this came to me when i was in church today. It kept me thinking about this issue and this phenomeneon happens everywhere in fact, not just in church. Who can provide a good answer for me?



Friday, May 05, 2006

"you are the CT rep, so you must do it." sounds familiar? ever been told that you are so and so, therefore you must do this and that. "you are a christian, so you must be act like one.", "you are older, so your action should be more mature." what is all this? must our life be controlled by all this mode?
i am really tired of all this. what we have to do have all been planned out by someone else who did it before. i am tired of my life. not that i want to die or something or that i am backsliding or what. but is that i am tired of facing people. i just hope that i can go to a relaxing place where no one will disturb me and i can do whatever i want there and need not worry about this ugly world. many also to find one or two friends with me on this nice trip and a good chat and a nice drink will complete the whole experience. some nice food will top it up nicely.
how i wish i will have a long vacation and stay away from the world and relax. what a life i have now that i want to forget. what pain and hurts this world have created. really in need of some true friends.