Thursday, August 31, 2006

Firstly want to say a big 'Happy Teacher's Day' to all the teachers. Especially my primary school teacher Ms lai. If it wasn't for her, I will not be who I am today. I will not achieve what I have. She was the one that change a naughty boy into a understanding person.

In the morning, had a bad start. It was raining heavily and across whole of Singapore. Almost late for school and I got my socks and shoes wet and had to be 'shoeless' for the first part of the day. Thank God we are in a air conditioned room and my socks and shoes can dry very fast. The teachers' day concert was a stupid one. But still have to comment the councilors for coming up with the idea of 'Scary movie 5'. It is equally stupid compared to the first few scary movie. But one big thing is that the whole sound system screwed up. Everything sounded horrible and most of the act was without sound. The singing is great but only for a few of the groups singing. Don't want to mention names in case some people get offended.

After the whole thing, went for lunch with the class. We had to wait for them and it took us alot time to get everyone ready to go. When we walk to the train station, we are deciding on what to eat and where to eat. It took up some difficult time for us to come up with an idea where to eat. Finally we decided on 'Ding Tai Fung' at bishan. Had a nice time there and had some great food. We also had a great time chatting and all. I help to pay for part of the bill as many of them did not have enough cash. People, remember to return me the money soon as I settle the cost and let you guys know! The food was good and the company is very enjoyable as well. It have been a long time since I had such a nice time enjoying good food. Than after that, a straits Time reporter approach us and ask us if we can help by taking some photo to help her in her report. She took like 20+ photo and we were all having fun through that shooting session. Than we went up to accompany Muriel and friends to get movie tickets. We then went to Swenson's for some ice cream and fries. I don't know why but I have a liking for the fries at swenson's or maybe is the tata sauce?

After that, we went off and Aloy and I headed home and the rest went for their movies. It was a truly tiring and satisfying day. When I reached home, I fall on my bed and slept till 7+ and woke up to watch TV.

From tomorrow onwards it will be holiday. So exciting and so boring. There is tons of homework waiting to be done and days of extra lessons to attend. But there is time to rest and sleep and maybe to go and enjoy myself in one of my dream vacation. Also get some tanning. I miss my badminton and my long hours of sleeping...



Sunday, August 27, 2006

Faith is the key! 2 Timothy 1 tells us that when we have faith in God, what ever we entrust in him and believe he will accomplish, he will do the job. This is what I yearn for. The answer to my question. At alter call today, my tears nearly fall but I clear it away. I need this to solve all the problems I am facing.

But one problem is that I don't know how long I can keep it going. I am in need of a break through. I need God more than what I am getting now. I need more prayerful lifestyle and I need the comfort more. I am down and almost out and not sure who can help me. I find it hard to maintain my Faith. Not sure is it my lifestyle or it is who I am. My emotions getting the better of me and me not being able to let go once I put it over my shoulder. Maybe I am just more of a emo freak than any others can be. I tried to put up a false me infront of others and I can't keep it going. I will start losing my temper soon. Don't think I laugh and joke means that I am ok with it all. I just don't want to make things tense.

Miss the good old days. Suddenly miss this grass jelly drink from a dessert stall near PS. Not that the drink is fantastic but I miss the container. There is this seal plastic wrap that have some nice chinese poem that speaks alot. Let me share one: " zai mang ye yao zao ni he ka fei, zai leng ye yao ting ni shuo siao hua, zai fan ye yao ting ni shuo xin si, zai lei ye yao gei ni chuan jian xun, zai ku ye yao he ni dang yi bei zi de hao peng you". Even when I type this down, many things appear in my mind. Not going to say to much. It will make things worse. Maybe the company is what makes the whole experience enjoyable.

So many stories to tell, so many words to share. All the memories to forget. Just have to trust God and have Faith that He will make things work out. No matter how busy I will still enjoy that coffeee and that chat with you.....

Emotions getting the better of me. What can I do? What should I do? Who can I turn to?



Saturday, August 26, 2006

Don't know why but I feel a bit lost. Not sure what I am doing, not sure what I am working for, not sure why I am doing everything and not sure for whom am I doing it for.

I have been in mugging mode for like don't know since when and I am not sure if it helps in any way. Since studying is not for I go for, I don't know why am I still so focus on my studies. I should have gone to NS and come out to find myself working and doing some part time diploma. My interest is in business and not studies and I have went for many entrepreneur related workshops and took part in many of such competition and I have excel in all of them. Not just in my decisions making but also in foresight. I am quite a good entrepreneur if I can put it that way. In many entrepreneur event in my secondary school years, my team will always come out top. So any one interested in starting business can approach me. I tried to start my own business but sad to say, I can't continue because of not enough funding.

My days of no PE have cause my body to weaken and I am not as agile as I used to be. A game of badminton now takes a lot out of me and I am too slow for the moves I used to perform. I need to have some discipline to do more exercise to train myself and to get ready for NS life. Next year's badminton tournament will be my last to perform and I bring end it with a blast.

I have been doing some things which is not myself and I just regret doing them. Before anything, I would like to apologies for any foolish things I have said or done. I am not myself and I am compromising on everything that I am and I am sick of it. I like to fly free like a bird and not be tied down by what everyone says.

Somehow my future is not as clear as it was. I am not sure what I am aiming for in like. Nothing seems to work out well. I stumble on almost everything. I am not sure what I should do and not sure what I am going to do.

My friends around me keeps changing and I am confuse to whom my friends really are. So many changes and so many uncertainty. Where are my childhood friends when I need them most? Who is really my childhood friends? In fact, who are my friends?

I miss the life of no worries. Going home late. Not knowing what stress is. Every thing well planned. Not needing to do homeworks. Friends there to comfort. Friends there to go out with. Not worrying about not enough money. Eating good food with close friends.....

Miss all the wonderful things in life... Uncertain if they will return... I need a good friend there for me... Maybe a girlfriend... God I need you so...



Thursday, August 24, 2006

Too tired to type yesterday, so I did it today. I am going to give a brief account of what happened yesterday and hope I can remember every single detail.

Went to JJC for a talk on 'flying fox of snowy mountain'(not sure of the name in english). The first hour was quite boring and it is of no benefit at all. It is about the writer himself and seriously not many in the whole auditorium is interested in his background. So the first hour was a waste of time. After that was a small break and as usual there is food served. A comment by someone from YJC shock me and I can't believe she is from my school. She said in chinese "we come to this kind of talk because of the food". I was embarrass and I dare not look back. I am that kind of person that want some face in the public and like to act class. I hate to hang around people who will disgrace me. Not that I am perfect but at least infront of others we must be appropriate. What's more we are representing our school in the conference.

Not just so, they talk loudly in the auditorium. It is a total disgrace of the school. A more saddening thing is that those making noise include people from my own class. I hate to admit it but I have no choice. But thank God those JJC students beside us is also making noise. So it is not that bad. But why can't they grow some brain to know that they don't just disgrace the school but also demote their own image and themselves. If you hate YJC so much then leave the school. Don't stay and start criticizing everything. The world doesn't owe you anything and have you ever think for a minute that have you shown the right attitude towards everyone and everything? Well I am sure that your EQ is surely very low.

Anyway, back to the talk on the comic by 'jing yong'. The talk was mostly on the writers background, the speaker's background and the history behind comics. I am very disappointed about the talk and I am expecting more out of it. I am quite a fan of 'jing yong' and his writing or maybe I should say I like all this chinese comic or novel. The talk got me fired up and want to start reading all this comics and novels.

I have been staying in school late to study and this two days I am staying in school for extra chinese lessons. I am stuck to yishun for a long time.



Sunday, August 20, 2006

Went to church in the morning because I have duty. I woke up with a tired body and tired mind. Maybe it was the day before that I did many things and today, I am tired out. Iam really getting old. Too old for many things. Time to start exercising, running and whatever not.

Chinese service was about doing good deeds. After the service, Lachman came over and challenge us to each do a list of good deed we did each day and he will check each day. Then next week we will cross examine. Truly it is not easy to do good and even so for Christians. We often put a motive behind everything we do. Like opening the door for others because your friend if also coming through. Although others also come out from that door but you did not intend to open for them. Now its time to record down all the good deeds I have done for the day and count the blessing that God offers and give thanks.

During the English service, I was half dead. I struggled to keep myself awake and from the cold. The service was very profound and not easy to understand. That contribute to my sleepiness and I nearly fall asleep during the service.

After the English service, my energy was all used up. I have no energy to go out and to even eat. Thank God Christopher send me home so I need not go for public transport. I didn't even have the energy to go eat with them. The first thing I did at home was to eat my lunch and then fall asleep.

When I woke up at 5+ I ate my dinner and I read my friends blog. 'Diamonds are forever, Friends are not'. I so agree with what he mention. This goes well with the line from the movie '15' 'neither friends nor foes last'. Going to bad early and prepare for next day. GP test and a whole day of rubbish.

Not going to think much about him. What have passed is past. Lets pursue out future.



Saturday, August 19, 2006

At the china history talk today, Ms Ong took out this panda soft toy that was quite cute. She was obviously issuing a challenge to my soft toys. So I took out Goleo, the cute lion on my bag.

Without a doubt, mine was cuter.

was it ever a challenge?

when was my soft toy ugly?

So we have constant commune with our soft toy once the lecture went bored.

I want to get more soft toy and I so love every one of them.

Even the school use my soft toy to represent the school( my giraffe).

My friends please give me a soft toy now and then and I will be super happy.

PS: it need not be expensive. those at mac will do too. "/

Went to Hwa Chong Institute for a Chinese history talk. I like the talk and it was not boring as I expected. The best part I like is about prostitutes portraying the history of china.

What irritates me is the stupid people from yj. This class of student think they very united and smart by wearing their class-tee showing that they are united. But anyone who got some brains will know not to wear t-shirt in this kind of grand event. Not to mention one that does not represent yj at all. It is because of this kind of people that makes yj not popular. Brainless as they are, they dare to talk and act loudly at such a grand place. For goodness sake please have some sense and know how to dress! I was so furious about it. What's more, they act as if they are auntie going to the market, with the noise and behavior. I was even more unhappy when I saw the way the took the food that was for the refreshment. This fat girl was like starving for a year. The small plate could not contain the food that she took. It was like a mountain. Typical Singaporean. This is so disgraceful. Totally destroy the image of our school. Their acts were so immature and the Chinese have a saying that goes "bu neng deng da ya zhi tang" that means they can't attend any grand events. Why can they at least act mature and have some class.

The morning was destroyed by this bunch of idiots. Why are they so selfish and jeopardize the entire school? If they want to act like aunties, go some where else or do in in an event where I am not around. I don't even want to think about how it is going to be like on Wednesday. It is such a disgrace infront of all the other jc students. We are after all representing yj and what benefits them when the reputation of the school is destroyed?

After that went for Carl's jr with aloy and yien and eddie joined us there. I discovered that I have a great appetite. Than went to Candy Empire for sweets. I have really overspent for the week and I got to save up during the next week.



Friday, August 18, 2006

Met a friend and went to church with her and on the way had a talk. Later joined in another guy from our church and I don't know him at all. From the short conversation we had, I can conclude that they really need God in their life. Although they are christians and they may have accepted christ long ago, but they have lost their first love and is now a worldly person.

This is a sad thing to comment on. To see a christian sinking deep into the darkness and able to do anything about it. I hate to see people being astray from God and being justifying themselves in whatever they have done. I wish to help but it is not my duty to tell them, it is the job of their leader and I am not spiritual enough.

After the service, saw her walking to the opposite busstop. I don't know why but I went over to talk to her.Got to know her problem and try to encourage her. I am not good with friendship and I still have to do it. I did not make my words convincing enough and all I can do at that time is to pray for her. This is the first time I pray for someone about their friendship which is an area I stumble all the time and still is affected by one friendship.

Anyway, the point is that friends can be the best person to be with and also the most hurting one. A christian friend in particular can be even more hurtful tha a worldly friend. Nine years of friendship now becomes a hurting one and is affected her for a long while and is getting serious. I too faces the same problem but nine years of friendship and being close friends just makes it a blessing. How I wish 'our' friendship can be as long lasting but sad to say it can't. Hope that God can heal this inner injury and peace us.



Thursday, August 17, 2006

Well all the scolding of people being materialistic sometimes let me ponder if I am also one of them. So I come out with a series question to ask myself if I am materialistic.

1) Do I have any brand that I like very much? yes, Levis
2) Do I have alot of the product of that brand? yes, certainly
3) Do I specifically go for that brand? no
4) What do I look out for when I buy something? the quality
5) Is it a must to own that product? no
6) Do I insist on buying that brand? no
7) Am I jealous of what others have? never
8) Will I follow trend? not in my lifetime
9) What do I spend my money on? FOOD!!!
10) Do I buy any thing I do not need? never
11) Does Adidas or Nike mean anything to me? not at all
12) What will I do if I have 1 million? FOOD
13) Will I value money very much? not really
14) Does crumpler mean anything to me? no
15) Do I impose the idea that a particular brand is the best? not that I know of
16) Is 3G a must for me? not for the moment
17) Do I go for expensive phone? not for me
18) What do I look out for in a phone? able to call and sms
19) Do I like to wear branded clothings? not at all
20) Do I keep up with fashion? if I can afford

So I guess I am not that much of a materialistic person. I just enjoy whatever I like and quality and design is what I go for instead of brand or popularity.

1-3 Listen, God! Please, pay attention! Can you make sense of these ramblings, my groans and cries? King-God, I need your help.
Every morning
you'll hear me at it again.
Every morning
I lay out the pieces of my life
on your altar
and watch for fire to descend.

4-6 You don't socialize with Wicked,
or invite Evil over as your houseguest.
Hot-Air-Boaster collapses in front of you;
you shake your head over Mischief-Maker.
God destroys Lie-Speaker;
Blood-Thirsty and Truth-Bender disgust you.

7-8 And here I am, your invited guest—
it's incredible!
I enter your house; here I am,
prostrate in your inner sanctum,
Waiting for directions
to get me safely through enemy lines.

9-10 Every word they speak is a land mine;
their lungs breathe out poison gas.
Their throats are gaping graves,
their tongues slick as mudslides.
Pile on the guilt, God!
Let their so-called wisdom wreck them.
Kick them out! They've had their chance.

11-12 But you'll welcome us with open arms
when we run for cover to you.
Let the party last all night!
Stand guard over our celebration.
You are famous, God, for welcoming God-seekers,
for decking us out in delight.



Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Without having time to look back, it is already August. I have been in school studying till evening time on almost everyday of the week and returning to school on Saturday to study. I don't even know what I have been doing so far. I am mad with all these studying. I have test almost every week and I do not have any time to rest at all. Every thing just come one after another without stopping. Especially today where I have to complete 4 chinese essay question which is at least 20 marks. Plus study for my Geography test tomorrow. I hate all the work and I just feel like going poly where life is so slack and relaxing.

I have been doing too much studying and I have been missing out a lot. Overwhelmed by school work and the remarks by some people in school is so irritating that I just hope that they can just disappear. People can be so fake at times I feel that everyone is just as bad. It is nice to talk to the outcast people sometimes. They seem so pure and harmless at times. Human is really so scary, I hope I will not become what they are. Anyway, I am too busy by all the school work that I can bother much about them. Spending so much time in school makes me want to shift to somewhere close to live. Maybe to a friends house at CCK or Yishun or Woodlands. Close to school and close to church.

Church is another thing that occupied my life. Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Last time I still spend my Saturday for church activities. Duty on Sunday which demand me to go to church early in the morning and I have to forgo my relaxing sleep. My favourite passtime is gone which all this hectic events going on. How I hope I was 5 years ago. All this studying and mugging means nothing to me and all the sleeping time is there for me to enjoy.

Eager to wait for the holidays to come so I can rest for at least one whole day. Sleeping till late afternoon and waking up not needing to do homework. Need not face all the evil people and need not be affected by their remarks. Going to a nice relaxing cafe, order a cup of mocha and a cake to share, if possible some chips or fries. With some close friends beside and take about what has happened and all and just crap some lame jokes. Forget about the time and the closing of the shop and going home and just enjoy. Than go for some late night supper at some nice eatery and slack there for some hours and go to the beach for the sunrise. What a nice scene.



Sunday, August 13, 2006

I like this song alot.





Saturday, August 12, 2006

Went to school in the morning and did some studying and also prepare for the test on Wednesday. Than had lunch in school with Aloysius and yiping and had some nice chat. Talked about the law suit of India and coca-cola. Studied until 2 plus then went off to Candy empire. Well, I can't resist the temptation. I reckoned that Candy Empire will be my next favorite place to be.

I wanted to buy a lot of sweets but Aloy beside me told me to that I am getting a lot, so I put back some of it. Anyone who love sweets can't resist taking an additional item. But the good thing about the sweets I bought is that they are not very sweet. I hate sweets that are too sweet because they give me a sick feeling after a while and I will feel very thirsty. So the sweets I get is somewhat enjoyable for all. It will kept you eating and eating without feeling sick. A few person run through my mind when I was thinking what to buy. From the mints to the gummys to the chocolates and even to the lollipops. To sidetrack, I love lollipop, it is my all time favourite but after eating 1, I get sick of it as it is too sweet. Anyway, miss the people who enjoy all these different type of sweets.

I wanted to buy some sweets for some friends but I think better not. Not for any reason but that I am overspending. I spend over my budget for the week so I can't spend more money. I used most of my money eating. So at least I did not waste that cash away. While writing this, the motion of saving reminded me that one person once told me that we will start saving together than we can go enjoy the spending of the cash someday with the money. But that day will never come I guess.

anyway, confirmed that red is never my color and that my hair is too long. Also that ***** is truly evil. When one person is evil, it is not just the action or the speech. It is the Aura that she give.



Wednesday, August 09, 2006

It started yesterday, YJC's 3 in 1 day. Sports day, college day and National day all in one. But the best part of all this is to be able to see Ms Ng siew ling, news reporter from channel 8 new. School was boring and nothing was fun at all. There is a special guest joining my class seletar people and that is zhuwen, seems like his friends are not around. Nonetheless, discovered a trend, Seletar house is dominated by blacks, although the house captain is a chinese. I should have run for the captain then I can get rid of them all.

After that boring event, went to causeway point for lunch with some classmate. Had a hard time deciding to go for soul garden there but in the end due to a big crowd, we went for Jack's place instead. The whole group of us made a bit of noise there and we stayed for quite a period of time in there. Had some weird talks as usual. I ordered a NZ T-bone steak set which consist of a soup, main course, dessert, and a drink and it cost about $20 dollars. The meat is huge and for meat lovers like me, it is certainly an enjoyable piece. The price is affordable as well and it can go cheaper for other cut of meat or for another main course. There is also a student's meal which cost less than $10.

Went for Prayer meeting at night which lasted till 11pm and prayed for many things. It has been long since I had any of such intense praying session. In the mist of all the prayer request, I added in a few prayer of my own. The sermon was great as well and somehow God spoke to me about something which has affected me for quite some time. God never forsake his people and if he closed a door, he will surely open another window for us. Somehow, I feel a loner's life is not that bad.

All in all, the day was busy and I got to know more things as will. Gain more knowledge as well. A friend who enjoy eating with you is better than a friend who love going out to play. To spend money on Branded goods might as well spend it on good food. The friendship is truly over. There is a lack of bass guitarist in YJC. YJcians are all slackers. Black is still my favourite colour. My wish now is to eat all the nice dishes in Singapore. Toufu still sucks...



Sunday, August 06, 2006

I thought we were friends but I was wrong. I thought I knew you but I guess I am wrong. I thought we are best friends but I am just naive. I thought we can stay close forever but it is just impossible. We used to hang out well but now I just see the two you getting even better. You told me I know you more than anyone but he knows more of you than I ever will. You have never sent me a single sms but you call and sms him all the time.

If you tell me we was close then, I guess there is nothing call far. If only you could be frank with me and tell me earlier. I regret putting in so much and I regret letting you two met. But I guess what is done cannot be undone and what is broken cannot be mended. I never hope that we could reconcile and I never hope that I can forget about it. In fact I thank you for letting me know I should not have done so much when I know at the beginning I am not going to get anything back. This teaches me never to go to deep into something when it is not to last. I hope you can stay happen with what you have and what goes around, comes around. When you repay good with evil, you will reap what you sow.

I nver hope that we will be friends again and I never hope for it. I once yearn for it but I guess I know that it is impossible. I am trying to truly get over it and never let it come into me again. I am going to use this emotion to create another poem that will show how I feel and will contra to the one I once did for you.