Thursday, September 28, 2006

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Monday, September 25, 2006

Well my entrepreneur mind is at work again. I suddenly had alot of idea about starting a business of my own. Earning big bucks and successful. All I need is the capital to start a business of my own. I have so many ideas on what to do and how to do.

Anyone interested in partnering to earn some big money? I got a good network which can help alot. Clothing, accessories and even handicrafts. I am able to get a good location at a reasonable price and a sure success plan. I can prove this point in all the business decisions I have made since Secondary school. You can ask my teacher to prove.

SO whoever have an entrepreneur mind and is positive on setting up a partnership, please contact me. I am serious and I have a few business plan in mind. I also got a group of friends that can get products from.



Saturday, September 23, 2006

Have been isolating myself for the past one week or so. Did a lot of work and some studying. It is that time of the year again and it is time for studies again.

Just want to comment on EQ. It is the new thing in town and people don't just focus on IQ. We need to have the social skill as well. I feel that I have quite alot of EQ compared to my IQ. I admit that I am not very smart but I do know how to put myself before others.

Thanks Martin for a nice chat yesterday night. Although it is short but it was a good chat nevertheless. Not sure when is the last time I can relax and chat with someone. Maybe I should get his number and chat with him on sms. He is really a nice guy to chat with and is fun too. Now I know why he is so popular in school.

Anyway, going to isolate myself till promo end. Hopes it help. Then I can have a break. It is fun to isolate myself and it is just my character. In the mist of all the long hours in school, I discovered that I know quite a number of people in the school or that those I know like to walk around. When I seat outside the library to study, many a times I have to say hi to those passing by. I just get tired of saying hi and meeting those I know.



Monday, September 18, 2006

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Why can't people grow some brains? Since you are put in charge then do what you are suppose to do. If not then reject it all the way. Since you have accepted the job then do it till the end. Be resposible in what you do and don't act like a spoilt brat. Be more mature and do what your job require of you. If you are not up to the job then don't take up that job. Everyone don't wish to do embarrassing jobs so don't think it is just hard on yourself. If you were a guy I would punch you in the face.



Thursday, September 14, 2006

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Today in church, I felt very distracted. I think the feeling is jealousy. But what can I do? Man, when you are down, the devil uses all sorts of things to attack you. All the deadly sins is against me and what's more, I can't do anything against them. I am so vulnerable. Greed, anger, glutton, jealous all of them I am experiencing now. I really yearn for deliverance.

I tried to avoid but I just can't avoid all of them. There is just too many of them and I am too weak to retaliate. Many of this thing came when my good friend from my church starts to go away. Suddenly a whole flock of them just left church and I felt so lost without them. They are those who encourages me all the way and I trusted them very much. It is just too sudden for me to prepare my heart and know how to react. After that, everything in church changed, not for the good but for worse I may say.

For the first time I get to see people trying to fight in church or in church organized sports event. What's more, those who are righteous in God have no action done about these people and let them do what they like. I also see people passing cigarette in church. Christians nowadays just have no respect for authority and power.

I feel so sick of everything. I feel so sick of life. But thank God for today's sermon that give me a new hope.

I should start to pray more, more than ever. Seek God for his intervention and his answers to my many questions. I should get my relationship with God first. He will be my best friend from now on and I will just hang out with him alone and spent my time with him more than anyone else. I will also fast and pray for answer to my many problem for the coming two weeks.

I have given up hope in human. God uses man and the devil also uses man. I will not trust anyone that comes my way. Not even him who I have trusted and have broke his promise and cheat on his words.



Saturday, September 09, 2006

Good bye to you my trusted friend
We've known each other
Since we were nine or ten
Together we've climbed hills and trees
Learned of love and abcs
Skinned our hearts and skinned our knees

Good bye my friend it's hard to die
When all the birds are
Singing in the sky
Now that spring is in the air
Pretty girls are everywhere
Think of me and I'll be there

We had joy we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed
Were just seasons out of time

Good bye papa please pray for me
I was the black sheep of the family
You tried to teach me right from wrong
Too much wine and too much song
Wonder how I got along

Good bye papa it's hard to die
When all the birds are
Singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
Little children everywhere
When you see them I'll be there

We had joy we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song
Like the seasons have all gone

We had joy we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song
Like the seasons have all gone

Yeah yeah yeah

Good bye Michelle my little one
You gave me love and
Helped me find the sun
And every time that I was down
You would always come around
And get my feet back on the ground

Good bye Michelle it's hard to die
When all the birds are
Singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
With the flowers everywhere
I wish that we could both be there

We had joy we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed
Were just seasons out of time

We had joy we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song
Like the seasons have all gone

We had joy we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song
Like the seasons have all gone

We had joy we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song
Like the seasons have all gone

I feel like assessing myself and give myself an account of what is going on and what should I do. For those who don't like my ideas or how I feel, please close this window. No one force you to look at it. Whatever it is, it is still my way of thinking. Everyone is entitle to their own thinking.

Well firstly to address the issue of a question asked by an old friend who asked me why I have not been going out with them. If you know me well, I hate going out with big groups. The purpose of going out and eating a meal together is to interact. If not, might as well go home and eat. Going out in a large group have many disadvantages. It is difficult o locate a seat and when ordering drinks or what, some people will just act and avoid paying. In a large group, talking is difficult too, you also can't have a heart to heart talk and some things is a taboo to talk about. I also hate going out with people I am not familiar with. I feel uncomfortable and I will not be myself and I also don't know what to talk about. I also hate some people from the group and I just want to avoid them. Maybe its just me but I don't care. I rather go out with one or two and we can really talk. I also hate things that irritates me when going out in groups. I will not want to touch on this issue, if I write it down, people might know who I am saying.

Someone say I have changed. But have I? Or is it you who have changed. I still talk to the group I always talk to. I always hang out with the usual people, my feelings and thinking is still the same. What about you? The group that you go out with is not the same. Your behaviour is different, your attitude is different. The things you talk about is different. You don't like to go out last time but now you will call on people to go out. You will talk to me last time and now, you are always sticking to another and talking and playing with him all the time. Well, I am cool with that. We all have the freedom to choose our friends and I never like to control anyone. If you are happy now, its fine with me. You can enjoy all the company all the moments with each other for all I care. But what I hate most is that you push all the blame on me, that I have change and is me that choose not to. But the fact is it takes two hands to clap. If you think he is a better friend, go ahead. Give yourself a group to belong. But just give yourself sometime to think things through. Who can be a better friend and is it just a moment of happiness? I can't do anything if you feel you are happier hanging around him. I am still who I am one year or two years ago. The sad person I am, who love to keep things to myself and values friendship more than anything. So think about it, who have really changed. I miss my bro who is in NS now. We are close to the level where we know what brand and color of underwear each other is wearing. It may sound gay but that is really how close we are. I just hope we can reach that standard of friendship. But I think you two have reach that level before we can.

Is isolation really good for me? I hope to live in isolation from now on. At least it will be safe for myself. I will not have any good friends who will hurt me and I will not get green eyes when I see people getting very close. I can also focus on my own work and I can just make decisions easier. There is just so many benefit of being in isolation and just keep an acquaintance relation with everyone. Being in isolation will keep me away from sadness and disappointment. I do not have the best of any ability but I hope those around me will achieve standards better than me. But when I have high hopes, I get upset when expectations are not met. I will not affected by my emotions when I am in isolation when I can only focus on myself. I can also better build up my friendship with my old friends from my primary school. The people of the world have just too many faces and I just can't cope with them all. Hypocrites are everywhere and people just don't mean what they say. For example when one person say to you that you two are the best of friends but the next moment not even a year later, the two hardly even talk. I like the carefree lifestyle of being alone.

I don't like to say too much things but people just take advantage of me. Like when I lend money to people, when I don't mention, they just forget about it and don't return to me. I don't like to go around asking people for money and I hate people who don't return money. That is why I don't like to lend people money. Also, those who think they are smart, like to talk bad about people. You can call me names and say whatever you like. But grow some brains and know when to stop. Don't think I smile and joke means I am afraid to do anything or whatsoever. Don't push your luck kid. When You mess with me when I am not in a good mood(which is nowadays) I will not give face to anyone and I will whack you. No one can stop me. The years of Aikido I have learn is not in vain and I will just break your bones and make you suffer. So don't think I am joking and continue with your brainless nonsense or I will do what I preach. I am after all not a goody goody boy. I come from a background where gangsters is not a big deal to me. I don't like to go to a close friend and ask why have you ignore me and please go out with me. I respect the decision of any individuals and I do not like to force people. So don't think that I do not feel anything.

I hated studies and I am never happy when I study. Many things have happened recently and it lead me to ponder. Should I continue to study or should I go into the office and get a leaving form and sign it? Get into army and come out in two years time and find myself a job. Save up for two years and use the money to start a small business. Get myself a girlfriend and maybe get married young and have a career in badminton. I need not face any study stress and need not compare with others about results. I also don't know where my studies will bring me to and I seriously see no future in my studies. I can achieve more than what I am achieving in academic results. I think I will be much more happier without having to study.

I hate people linking me up with others. I am who I am. I have my own style, my own thinking, my own hobbies and so what is someone else like the same things as me? They are not me and they don't know me. I can safely say that friends I have made this five to six year knows just very little of me. When people links me up with some one I know, it will just bring back some good old memories which is no more possible. I get sad when I think of those memories which I can never enjoy anymore.

I got so much more to say back I am too tired to write them down. While I am writing all this, so many memoriesjust come back. I feel like crying thinking of them. Hoping for the good old days. Will continue to post this topic when I am feeling better.



Friday, September 08, 2006

I prayed a lot during today's youth gathering. Watched this movie "second chance" and it really spoke to me. It told me many things and teaches me how I should face some problems. I like the part where this guy wash the feet of another just to seek forgiveness. This is just like when Jesus washed the feet of his disciples.

Pastor then said that we should not work base on our emotions. We should do things with the faith in God. When we base our work on god, whatever we do we will have success.

This is an area I need to work very hard on. I am a slave to my own emotions. Unless I have no feelings at all or else I will be controlled by my emotions. I will obey my emotions and do things before thinking if I should do it. I always get hurt by it and I have never recover from it since. I don't know why but I always get hurt when I do things base on my emotions. I got hurt deeper and deeper and always get hurt by the ones I trust the most.

Until now I am still suffering from a set back which my emotions have caused. I am trying very hard to get out of it but it never last. Now is the time I need God most. More than anything in the world.



Thursday, September 07, 2006

Just received a sms this afternoon and I was quite sad to see that message. A close friend of mine is going into Army. Not that it is a bad thing but I will really miss him.

He is really one friend that I will consider a brother. We are born on the same year, same month and same day. We were really close and we share many common hobby last time. We always hang out together and do things together. We go swimming, badminton, movie and even go out together all the time. Quite miss the good old days. But some things in his life stopped him from progressing in his education and so he stared working.

We still contact each other through sms most of the time. Sadly, we were quite occupied with either studies or work. So we do not have much time to go out nowadays. Really hope we can go out some day and catch up with the time lost.

He is like one who I can really address as brother. For those who know me well, I don't address anyone as bro unless we are really close. I really will pray for him and wish him all the best in there. Wish that he will be more macho after NS and stay handsome dude. God Bless.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Went to Chomp Chomp foodcourt yesterday to have dinner with some friends. I have never been there and so this is the first time I go there.

Woke up around 12pm yesterday and was very reluctant to go out that day but since is a promise to go out so I dragged myself to the train station and took a train down. When we reach serangoon, we were early and we had to wait a while for yi en to come and fetch us to the food heaven. When we reach there, we went to the coffee beans there and each had a cup of coffee. As usual I ordered my favourite mocha. We waited for the rest to come and started to have a chat of our own at that comfortable place. It is quite a nice hangout but the only problem is that there is a lot of mosquitoes.

Since Muriel will only be there at 8pm, we had a long talk there and then went to a comfortable place to sit and had a drink and our talk continued. It was a long wait and we were all trying hard to get ourselves occupied and wait for Muriel to come. Then we got tired of waiting so we went over to the place and got ourselves a huge glass of sugercane drink each and I ordered a plate of fried oyster to share. Then, finally Muriel came and we went to order some seafood to eat. Then also some other stuff to share. We had a fun time eating and talking crap.

After which, we went to some ktv and sing a few songs. The place was very remote and not that much a fun place. But the charges was cheap so we went in. We had a fun time in there and stayed till 11 plus. Then, we took a bus back to the train station. As my prediction was correct, we were late and missed the last train by one minute. So we had to take a cab back home. Sad, I really spent a lot on that day and I also don't know how much I really spent.

I would say that it is a good place to be and it is only 20 odd minutes from tiong bahru. So it is not that far a place after all. There is a lot to do there and things are quite cheap as well. The best part is that there is a lot of good food around and are of reasonable price. So next time, we can all go there and have some good food and find a nice place to sit down, order a drink and chat and talk crap. The best part is that we can stay there overnight and chat about anything.

Hope that the old clique can go there together some day and have our regular chatting sessison. We got alot to catch up with and I really miss them all.



Monday, September 04, 2006

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Nothing to post, so I just try and come up with a list of close friends since primary school.

Dianto, yun xiang, hanzhong, yew on, choon poh, wei hao, kim heng, jun kai, glen, hui min, stephanie, gek peng, june, yulin, sook wai, jade, alex, jhit kai, zhen liang, wilton, yong fa, wilson, kian wai, shi shi, shu juan, poh kim, seng hoe, benny, wei ann, desmond, elson, guan bing, jia jin, mei hui, ming han, raymond, wei qiang, felix, wei ping, zhanyi, keith tan, libin, tian cai, matthew, luke, yong jie, jennifer, wei sheng, elton, eugene, johny, lucern, jia hao, mun ching, sin choon, hui yi, michelle, wee pang, yong jin, jordan, zhuwen, zheng yang, aloysius, hui shan, edward, wan ting, jie min, melissa.

well, this is all I can remember. This are the one I can really talk with. Not to say those not mention are not friends but is not not as close or maybe is closer. Or that I might just miss you out.

yo.. people please pay me for the meal at Ding Tai Fung as soon as possible. Thanks

eddie- $4.50
dylon- $8.50
yanchao- $2.00

Any mode of payment is possible



Saturday, September 02, 2006

This two days of holiday was somewhat boring. Nothing much to do but to waste my time away. Did nothing also. I can't go on like this. I can't waste my time doing nothing. I need to find some life out there. I want to go kayaking. I want to go makan. I want to play badminton. I want to do so many things and I am running out of time for it all.

Well totally give up. The feeling is not there anymore. The chat was not there and there is no common topic. I give up. I am somehow out of it and feeling cold from it. Nothing seems to affect me anymore. We all have something we want and it is good we go after them.

Today I feel something different. The church I am in now is totally different from the one I used to go and the one that I like to go. It is a totally different Evangel family. Although some people might be still there but the feeling is different. Their appearance is not the same and the air that they put up is greater. The usual group of friends is no more the same. I am still me and I still hold on to what I believe, but the old group of friends are thinking differently. Even one who used to be my close friend have a new set of believe and action which I never go with.

I really miss the good old days. The old group of people. It is just not the same. I am just not who I am. Every one have change and everything have change. MAybe I should go to another church where I feel that I belong there and I can agree with what is happening.

Where are you when I need you? Who is it that I seek? Why can't I find?