Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Well, many a times we hear people say that their best friend neglect them when they are in love. But is it just for relationship that friendship is put to the test? I guess other ships are also involve as well.

Don't know why but when I read friend's blog, I can always see that they claim that their best friend neglect them once they found themselves a girlfriend. In life many of this is also visible. Like in CCA when one guy want to leave early, it is often because of a girl. You can always see people change when they get into a relation. They start to mix with a different group and stray from the old friends. Once a blood brother now a stranger.

Not just with relation but I guess friendship is also the same. We tend to stick more to one friend and slowly shift to another. Ever had people ask you about how's so and so and you doing? How is the both of you? When we find ourselves a new friend, we tend to forget about the old. The old ties fade off before we notice it. You will surely want to hang out with your new friend more and neglect of your old friend. The change of attitude and behavior and thinking steps in.

So when ships collide, it is often those onboard that gets injured. So what I have learned is not to sink to deep in. The deeper we go, the more injuries we suffer. What I would suggest is to think through a relationship and friendship before going through one. If we can't balance, we have to give up one. We should be honest and frank with our friends and not just shunt them off. A good chat is always useful.



Sunday, October 29, 2006

Learned the way to a happy ending in our life. Many a times we start off well but some where down the alley we got lost and got astray. We may start things off well but we might not end the way we want it.

First thing to take note of is not to be proud. More than often we get entangled in our own achievements that we become too into it. Like when someone did well for a test or exam and he/she starts to be too over it and starts to showoff. In a church when someone gets famous through his talent in many church activities, he gets proud and starts to amplify it. Although he spend time at the beginning and got blessed him but him never stay humble and grow proud in it. Slowly it will become a curse.

Secondly is when someone did you injustice and do not try to take revenge. Like in a friendship, your friend betrayed you and you get bitter and try to take things into your own hand. You seek revenge in every way and try to be your own judge. Even though it started out alright and you enjoy the company of each other but along the way he betrayed you and you got angry and wanted to take revenge. I remember this saying about an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth and there will be many tooth-less out there. Isn't it more miserable to hate than to love?

Thirdly is to be jealous. Like when your friend and you started out the same but along the way, he got more fame and fortune. He started to outshine you and you get jealous of what he have. It may even be in the form of materialism. We get jealous of what people have or what we don't have that we dream about it day and night. The desire, the jealousy just occupied our entire life. We slowly forget what we start out as and what is our ultimate goals in life.

I am guilty of all this. I get jealous, proud and want revenge. I hunger so much and I desire so much. I am one who bear grudges and I pray that I will be lifted of this curse. I want to learn to forgive and forget. I just hope that ******* and I will reconcile the relationship we used to have. I miss you very much.

Upon writing so many entry, I wonder who really read all this. I really hope that all who reads upon this entry will leave a name, even if I don't know you. It will give me the encouragement to continue writing.



Saturday, October 28, 2006

4:30 is really a nice movie. Totally for emo...

very profound and guess only emo people can understand...

The story line was great...

Another of Royston tan's great directing...

Will tell of the story soon....



Sunday, October 22, 2006

Everything that has a beginning has an end...

To believe is the dawning of a new era...

Hope is the key to every block...



Saturday, October 21, 2006

Watch fearless vcd today and I discovered something new. A new understanding in life. I think I will be living by this principle for now.

Huo yuan jia has this admirable 'air' around him. Makes me feel that martial arts is so fun. It lets one feel powerful and on top of the world. But because of his great skill, he forgotten one thing. The most important thing that should be our motto in life, which is 'humble'. He is too arrogant and over himself that he do things as if he owns the world, causing so much misery for those around him and the death of his love ones. Most importantly, he lose his childhood friend that is ever so close to him.

He learnt to be in peace with the environment and considerate to every flora and fauna in the universe. Though the experience in his hometown that he learn so much and the life of the countryside teaches him so much. This makes me want to escape to the wild so much. So many things I can learn and so much can be changed. An experience in life can change one so much that is even better than studying in a classroom. How much I wish I have the ability to do so.

The show really inspired me so much and teaches me so much. I got a new philosophy in life which is to live peacefully and worry not. Not to get into unnecessary competitions which will not benefit. Give in to others and not to get into unwanted situations. To live in a peaceful surrounding in a not so peaceful world.

Its all over. Everything has ended. Now its all up to God...

Time for party and slacking and a new me...



Wednesday, October 18, 2006

So many exams going on and I am not doing my best. I think I will flunk most of my papers. I will be going into Army soon. Choon poh here I come. I will be joining you soon. I have a very good feeling I am going to fail again but I still have this last hope in God. I have prepared so many things that I am going to do. Like getting a tattoo and another piercing.

I am never an optimistic person and I am now to the rock bottom of my life. Super depression mood sets in and best of all I can't find anyone to share my feelings. If any one should feel depress it should only be me. Well no one is as emotional as I am. Or else I will not be extremsad till this day. It just forms two simple english word. Extreme and Sad. If it is still not clear, it means extremely sad.

Just feel like drinking and smoking and rot my life away. There is almost nothing more I can do but to count down to my death. Someone please just record my name in the book of death and let me die now.



Sunday, October 08, 2006

Saturday, October 07, 2006

I like this saying in the anime 'Fullmetal Alchemist'. It goes by, if you want the gain something, you have to lose something in return, which is known as equal trade (or something like that).

Many a times we gain something by losing something. Like when we buy new cloths we have to throw away the old, When we study more things, we will in turn forget some old things. Or to be closer to some friends you will have to be further from the old. Which I find is not fair but it is still very reasonable. We cannot have every thing to our liking. It is just like what we learn in Economics. The idea of scarcity where there is limited resources and unlimited wants and that of opportunity cost.

The saddest part of the idea is about losing something. I feel that whether the value is proportionate or not doesn't matter. If we are willing to give, any amount won't matter. Seriously, who would like to loss their possession. But we can do nothing about it, unless we have no desire to gain new things. Be it friendship or finance or even material assets. In truth, it is not that possible. It is not really by our control to stop this flow of nature. Even if we can deter any new things from coming in, we can't stop things from going out. The idea of depreciation and diminishing returns.

But the main question is that do we yearn for the gains more than what we are going to loss? Is it fair in that sense for the losers? Be it the property or the friendship. The years spent with the object or person, can it be easily forgotten? Unless there is no feelings from the beginning, then that is another story. What I want to focus is that if we have any remaining feelings left for the thing that we are forgoing. Is is so easy to give it up? What if we regret at the end of the transaction? Can we just pretend nothing happened? Or should we cry over spilled milk?

When we try to retrieve what we have fagin, it will be a more difficult process than to the time we give it up. Especially to the mind and the heart. The fact is we have to get on with life. No point thinking back, what lost is lost. We just have to correct this mistake in the things we are going to be doing. For example you and a friend's relationship turn sour and you think through day and night trying to mend this broken friendship. But the thing is that your friend is getting on in life just as well or even better. He found himself a better friend and not even remembering the good old days. So just by a one side rescue is of no use. Might as well just get out of this friendship and get on with life. What done is done and cannot be undone.

The world is so pragmatic and seriously, there is nothing we can do along to change things. When we desire for something, we will have to give up on another. This is the way of life and the principle of the universe. Nothing lost nothing gain I would say. This is just another good proof of my favourite phrase " nothing last forever, neither friends nor foes".



Wednesday, October 04, 2006

A friend's an attitude within you,
A talk you always can continue,
A feeling you have known awhile,
A thought that sparks an inner smile.

A friend's a person you hold dear,
Who ventures far, yet stays quite near,
Whose presence sets the spirit free,
Who brings out candor, honesty.

A friend shares all your joys and tears,
Feels triumph with you, knows your fears,
Accepts your strengths and weakness, too,
Won't let small things dull friendship's hue.

A friend will walk life's miles with you
And nourish values sound and true.
Though paths may sometimes drift apart,
True friendship never leaves the heart.

So many things going on and time passing faster and faster. I suddenly feel that I miss alot of people. So many friends I have not seen for a long time and I long to meet them. The irony thing is that those that I don't want to see is appearing everywhere. They are doing things I hate and testing my tolerant.

I missed my primary school friends. They are the ones that I feel comfortable chatting with. We got so much to talk about and so many things to discuss. I feel so free when I am with them. I feel myself and no restrictions at all. Dianto my cca mate and one who enjoys playing the same sports as me. I enjoy spending the day just relaxing and just chatting with him and just talk over some games and people. But now, he is overseas doing his studies and we hardly chat. Choon poh who is such a open guy who is always willing to lend a helping hand and is so funny in his actions. I enjoy going swimming and playing badminton with him in the past. Or just going to some hawker and chat over a drink. We can crap and talk about anything under the sun. But now, he is in NS and is so difficult to meet him. Yun xiang used to be one of the closes friends I have. Remember the days we go to the arcade at Tiong and just play games or even to catch a movie. He is just like a bigger brother to me who is so experience in life. There is so many more that I miss and they are like so far away. Dianto, yew on, yun xiang, wei hao, choon poh and many more.

But there are those whom I hate as well. ***** whom I hate his attitude very much. One who just can't understand what it is meant to live in this society. But he just keep appearing and I just can't shake him off. Unfortunately, there are Christians I hate as well. Those who always justify their doings. They feel that they are never wrong and it is always others doings. They just take everything for granted. ******* is one case. I used to think I know him well but in fact I was wrong. I know so little about these so call righteous people. But the thing is, i feel less and less affected by his doing. What he does have little effect on me. I just couldn't be bothered. Just make sure we don't cross path again. I was foolish to believe there is sure thing as forever.

Now, I just hope to find someone who understand me and I can feel comfortable chatting with. Someone who is true and can relate to. Someone who treats me as true as the way I treat him/her. Is there such a thing as forever? Nothing last, Neither friends nor foes...



Sunday, October 01, 2006

11:59pm. One more minute to the next day. The transition phase from today to tomorrow. What are we thinking of? What are we doing?

Many a times we hate this dreadful period because we do not want to part with the day's joy but we are helpless to the passing of time. This very timing is what causes a dilemma as it sometimes is the longest minute to wait but is also the quickest time to pass. Think of this scenario: You are with a couple of your close friends at a nice relaxing out of town cafe having a nice drink and a comfortable sofa chilling out and catching on the lost moments. You take a look at your watch and is spelled 11:59. You got something on the next day( be it school, work or even going to church). What do you do? On the other hand, you had an argument with someone close and he/she have hurt you very much. You keep watching at the clock at wonder why it is still 11:59 after so long.

What can we do? What should we do? Either way, it is the hour when we are most vulnerable. In the former, I just hope I can stay with my close friends. Everyone under the same roof. We would not miss each other and we can spend time together and need not worry about going home. But life isn't always a sweet dream. In reality, how close we are, the day when we have to part is still very real. We cannot avoid the truth that nothing last. Even so when we are feeling down, counting the minutes in our life. Time may seem stagnant but it will still pass no matter how long we have waited.

In today's life, we are very awake at this very timing. But we are doing other things like gaming or watching TV instead of reviewing what we did for the day. We often overlook this very time and we turn back and regret on what we have done.

I myself am a victim of this tragedy. I took too lightly of this and I overlook on 11:59. When I go out with my friends I hate to look at my watch. It is the thing that turns my mood 180 degree around. The point I am making is that we should treasure the time of everything, whether good or bad. No matter how bad or good the day is, it has still to come to this time when we have to part with all the feelings of the day. We shouldn't take it too hard because no matter what, it will still pass. "Nothing last, neither friends nor foes". A new understanding is the good and bad things of life.

End off by proclaming that 'Casting Crowns' is coming to my church!!! Evangel Family church for our special event in December. First in Asia and in Singapore and is in my Church,a small church in Singapre. Grammy award winner and the band that have a impact in my life. Welcome all who want to come.