Tuesday, January 30, 2007

I felt so relieved after chatting with Jennifer. It is like after so long she is still the one who really understand how I feel. I guess this is why they are the adults.

It really is good that I can find someone to talk to and tell her of my problems. How I feel about things and all. The people and the behaviour. Even to discuss some issues with her. She is such a good encouragement to me. I really feel so much better after talking to her. But I guess I will return to who I was until I have made the decision.

I don't know why but Hope Church Singapore just keep appearing in my mind. Is it God's will? I don't know. All the stress from school and studies just keep pressing me to the corner. I do not know what to do and who to turn to. Man will surely be a disappointment and I am too weary to seek God.

With each passing days, the desire to step down from my ministry tend to grow stronger. The desire to get away from youth service and more into adult service tend to grow stronger. Even more for the desire to go over to Hope Church Singapore where I have a lot of friends there. It seem more homely there than EFC for me. The friends here seems further away and the friends there seems closer to me.



Sunday, January 28, 2007

Saturday, January 27, 2007

I do not know how to start this entry but to shout I AM STRESS OUT!!!!

Assignments are coming like there is no tomorrow. I don't even have a single day without homework to do. But I am too lazy to start on any of them. I really hope that all the teachers could give me more grace time so that I can slowly finish off my work. Or I will forever owe them work.

Yesterday was a very packed day. Lessons that is at least 1.5 hours. With economics to start off and end with a 2 hour GP. I am totally exhausted. Then it was Badminton training. I have to help out in coaching the J1s. Why can't there be more experience player so we can train up on those advance things. Instead of doing the basics and explaining why they must do this and that.

After that, had to rush down to church as I was already late. This is the third time since school reopened that I have to take a cab down to church. I was already so broke after paying so much for notes and those whatnot that we have to pay for. Now I still have to pay for the cabfare that is burning into my pocket. The only time to rest in the cab was taken up in directing the cab driver.

I am so stress up with A levels on its way. Every day ends at 4.30 or 5pm. I still got CG to attend on wednesday and youth service on friday. I will end up reaching home at 11pm on wednesdays. Alternate sundays I still need to go to church early in the morning for duty. I really hope that I can take a break, step down from ministry and rest well. Not needing to go church and being a good testimony.

So looking forward to someone to talk to. A friend that is willing to be a listening ear. Benny ask me out to watch Singapore VS Malaysia today, but I am not in the mood. Sorry. Benny is one good friend you can have. I will make it up to you soon. Am I yearning for a friend or a partner?

Life is like a passage, too bad it is a one way trip. Good thing that there is no need to return.



Thursday, January 25, 2007

Finally have the time to blog. Actually not really. Not that I have the time but just that I am too tired to do anything.

All my work is stacking up to the top of my head. I can't even breath with all this paper covering over me. I do not even know where to start. I think I am coming back on Saturdays to complete my work. I haven even start revising for all the test that has already been schedule into my short time-table.

Not to mention my cca. Badminton is taking up so much of my time. Just this week alone, I have been playing on Tuesday and Wednesday. There will be a training tomorrow as well. I am physically drained. Not to mention mentally drain as well. I hope that I can bring the team to greater heights. I know that the team is not really that good but I hope that all of them can listen to me and train under my orders. It is surely beneficial to all of them.

I want to go for pilot-pen competition but I don't think I am ready for it. I need more training and practice. I hope that zhuwen and jiahao will help me through this. It will really do us good is we can make it through.

Think that this will be it. I am so tired that I can't even lift my eyelids. So much work waiting for me and school time is like ever so long. I hope I can just end this year quicker. My friends, lets go through this difficult time together.



Saturday, January 20, 2007

This week has not been well for me. A lot of homework is waiting for me yet I have not even start on any. I don't think I can finish any today. I never know studying is so stress. I don't know if JC is the right way for me. Should I give up?

My timetable starts at 8 everyday and my earliest lesson ended is 430. What a day. I can spend 12 hours in school everyday. No time for food, just rushing all my assignments. Doing my homework for submission. Study, study and still studying. The days never seem so long. What makes it worse is that the tutors keep on pressing in that we are doing our As this year and when will all the test be.

I don't know how long more can I keep it going. I don't know how much strength I got left. I can't manage all this by myself. The stress is getting over me. I wonder who else can share my problems. I should seek advice from my friends who went through this phase and survive through it. I feel very depress but I still got to keep a smiley face before everyone. Keep everything going and not let my problems get into any other.

It is only the second week that I attended lessons and I felt that it has been months. I have quite a number of friends in school who does different combinations but I don't think they are as stressed up as me. I wonder if I have picked the correct combination or have I pick the correct institution.

What I need now is my friends asking me out on Saturdays and Sundays for a drink or two and we can have some cosy chat together. Just about 4 person at some nice comfortable cafe. With a cup of mocha and some sides.



Saturday, January 13, 2007

Ever wondered why someone can know you so well? Some people can tell you things that you never thought of? Ever wondered why others can know you so well? Ever wondered why people know what you are going to say next? That they know how you will react?

I do not know why but I can tell the character of a person after some time with him. I can tell if his nature is good or that he is a fake. I can tell if one person is kind or having ill intention. It is not really a good thing actually. Do you rather know when someone treat you as his brother and back stab you without knowing or that you rather someone treat you as a brother and you do not know if he have back stab you?

The answer to all is to not know at all. You will debate and say you rather know but truly, no one will want to know. As human, we choose to live in a world of happiness. But life itself is never fair. What you wish for most will never be satisfied. Even when you do get what you wish for, there will be something taken away. We must always pay for what we want. There is no gain without sacrifice.

Christians may argue that when they pray, God will surely provide. But it is not the case. In the bible, when great man ask of the Lord, they put up a sacrifice. When Jesus took away the sins of man, he offer himself as a sacrifice. So, sacrifice is truly important.

Anyway the point is that people live better without knowing how others feel or think of him. But I am not able to enjoy this. I wish not to but I can't avoid the fact that I can one day not know who other's true personality. I am never wrong of anyone. It is only a matter of time before other see what I see. I hope that I do not know who one truly is and we can be good friends. But I just can't live with people whom I do not see eye to eye with.

Ever heard of anyone who tell you one thing but do the other? Let me illustrate this, A says that he is a man of God, he goes around telling people what they should do but at the same time, he is hooked up with DOTA. Not saying it is a bad game but as christian we should not associate with this kind of games that has magic and demonic stuff. Well so what if people sees him as spiritual? He in his actions shows otherwise.

It is so much a blessing to not know who others truly am. Imagine if you now that everyone around you have a ill intention. Your days will not be enjoyable as you need to constantly beware of them backstabbing you.



Wednesday, January 10, 2007

The 6th day of orientation and the last. A very sad day for me and I am really very emotional on this day.I miss my OGLs and my class and the sub group that I lead. Especially Leesabella(if I got it correct), mrajagopal, Andria and most importantly Justin.

Today did nothing much with either of the groups. But really mix with all the other OGLs that I greet and say hi every day. All those that I have talk to before but not close at all. I really miss being an OGL. I have learn so much and gotten so much. All the things I have learn from being an OGL has really taught me a lot.

I feel very sad to leave every one. I hope that we can play together for the whole year. All the games that we play, all the jokes that we share and all the help that we have. Through all the thick and thins. I miss the carefree life and no need to study. Just chatting away with friends and everyone else.

Now must get back to studies and do my work. Also to catch up with the all the things that I missed. All the lessons. I am going back to the boring and stresful lifestyle that I once lead. All the studying and nothing else. I will miss my friends. Hope they will just say hi when they see me.

Justin message me just now and tell me how he felt and I have the same feelings. I almost cry thinking of it. I hope I can control myself. I really miss the great times with Justin. All the gaying with each other. All the playing around and all the support we give each other. Now we might just be a hi bye friend in the future. I really do not want to see that happen.



Tuesday, January 09, 2007

The last second day of my relaxation and enjoyment. My days as Ogl is coming to an end. All the fun and joy and carefree life is coming to an end. I so hope that the day will be longer and I can spend more time with them all and really bond well. Especially Justin whom I really hope to know better.

Today went to school with many idea. Idea of what the day will be like. What is scouts camp all about and what will we be doing. The most important question will be if I will get wet. In the morning, we played 'Monopoly alive'. It was actually a nice game but I sort of played it before. At that time it was like playing in the stock market and it is the main objective.

We had a lot of fun doing all the things. But when about to end, Justin became super high. We were like 'lets go to jail!' 'lets rob the bank!'. It really bring joy and fun to the group. Hope that the students see how much effort their OGLs puts in for the whole group. Really hope that they will at least thank us or something.

After that had lunch and meet to go for scouts camp. It was a short ride there and Everyone got tired during the ride. When we alight, it was slightly drizzling. After a few activities, we all got wet and dirty with all the mud on us. But I think the dirtiest of them all will be Justin and me. We gay a lot with the mud and water splashing. We hug each other, pour water on each other and wash each other. It was really fun. But it is wet as well. At no point are we dry and clean. It is so dirty that we all just give up on it.

Everyone had fun. But fun times are short. So its time to go back to school and end the day off. After some photo session, We went to wash up. Justin and I went to third level toilet to clean up. I went in first as he went for some CCA meeting. I was cleaning myself off the mud and my feet. Then I get changed and try to clean my shoe. Justin came in to change as well and we started chatting and chatting. It was like half an hour at least. It was really dirty and muddy.

After we got changed, we went off. He went back for his discussion and I went home. It was really a fun day but sadly it ended early. Hope I can have a chance to do it again. Dragon boating next Monday and I can't join in and jam and hop on Friday, guess I will miss it as well.

6 days of orientation is finally coming to an end. This means that studies is starting and stress is coming. I will miss Justin and Andria a lot. But mostly I will miss Justin. I think he is really a good friend and I hope our friendship will mature. I hate this feeling. The sour and bitter and sadness inside me. I am truly a emotional person. I miss all of you. Keep in contact with me Justin, lets go play sometimes together. I really hope for a meal and a nice chat with you.



Monday, January 08, 2007

Today morning went for a short briefing in the hall. Nothing to it as usual. It was a difficult morning for me. I did not have enough sleep for the past few days and I am exhausted.

Lead the group to play games today. Under the hot sun I felt tan. So many activities and I really enjoyed myself even though it was hot and tiring. Went into the hall was a blessing. The cold air-con really make the whole experience worth it all. It just complete the whole experience.

Played until about noon then went for lunch with the group. As usual didn't have the appetite for food. So I ate very little. It went the same for Justin. But at least I did finish my food not like him. Chat with the students and some of them want to stay at YJ. Not saying it is bad but they really have to work super hard. I don't want to see them retain or what. My 1st 3 month friends last year all didn't have a very good year. Either retain or go to poly. For both martin is the same and even for Jordan and friends.

Actually suppose to go for scout camp today but they were not prepared. So we have to do it tomorrow. Hope they will come for it. I really want to play all the activities. Will be having fun playing with Justin(sounds gay). But the thing is we went for CSI instead. For information of CSI, check previous post. It was super lame and boring. Don't really like the game. But I look forward to 'Monopoly alive' tomorrow. Heard that it was very fun.

Lets hope I get enough sleep and tomorrow will be a fun day. I will have the energy to go through all of them. Don't know what to bring yet. But what I look forward is the CCA exhibition on Wednesday.



Sunday, January 07, 2007

There is a few people on my mind now and I don't know why but I miss them a lot.

• choon poh
• wei ann
• benny
• gek peng
• luke sim
• luke phua
• meng hui
• eugene
• johny
• elton
• jie min
• hui yun

I just hope I can have a whole 24 hours with each of them. To really chat with them and to catch up with them. Will you all give me an opportunity????

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Have you ever wondered if there is anyone that looks exactly like you? Or that there is someone with the same tastes and preferences like you? Ever think that you will meet this person in your lifetime? What will your reaction be?

I have this friend that I just know for a couple of days and I have this strange feeling about him. Not in a negative way but in a very positive way. I do not know what I should do and react to all this. I am not sure if we will be friend or foe? Negative and Negative will always produce a positive right?

We both do not have appetite for food after exercise or a tiresome event. We need to drink some sweet drinks to regain our appetite and before we can eat anything. The preference type of food we eat is also similar. From the drinks we drink to the things we eat.

The way we react to things is also similar and the way we talk, is also similar. It is scary to find two person that talks the same way to communicate. The reaction we have towards certain issues is almost the same. The way he treat people and the way he do things. Well he likes badminton and what else can I say more.

There is more that I do not know about but I hope I can get to know more about him. Lets just hope it is only my imagination and coincidence that we share the similarity. I do not know what to do and how to react to it. It is easier to have a friend that will spice up your life with different reactions to things. But it is not a bad thing. At least he can be my closest friend or my soulmate.

Finally got my 12 hours of sleep. It was a tiresome day yesterday. With all the running about in the amazing race and all the shouting and all. Even adding on to a few nights of little sleep and waking up at 0530 to go to school. Running about in school doing admin work for the students. I think OGLs should be given 1 week of rest after the Orientation week. It is just so tired.

I got a lot of sleep and I really enjoy it. But I would be happy with more sleeping time. Tomorrow I have to wake up early again to go to church. I wish service can push back for us all to sleep a little more. Anyway, yesterday watch "Flywheel" in church. For those who knows about cars, you will know what flywheel is about. For me, I do not even care what is it. Car is not my main concern now in this period of time.

The movie is about a second hand car dealer, jay Austin trying to sell his cars at a higher cost. One day, a Reverend bought a car for from jay and jay quoted a high price. But the Reverend still pay that amount and give jay a prayer, that god will treat jay like the way jay treated him. But to the Reverend, jay help him in a good deal. Many a times we thought we have hid the truth well from everyone but God will still see what we are doing. He will have his judgement and his way of it is never what we desire.

After that, it sort of like God speaking to him. It cost a 180 degree change. He treat his family better and change the way his business operates. He even give himself unto god and let god be in charge of his life and his work. God is really great and help him through his every need. It is trying to tell us that when we obey Gods words and do what he want, he will reward us our every need. All we need is to surrender under his reign and call upon his name in our need.

When during the prayer, tears just came out. I let God do the work and I surrender under his will. I commit myself unto his reign and let him take over. I am somewhat like Jay. Sometimes I just have that attitude to myself being in charge and giving everyone a hard time. But in this new year I promise to listen to God in every single aspect. I will let him take over and obey him at all times. Learning to trust him as he is the truth God. I want to experience the miracles he did before in my life.

The flywheel is like the heart in our body. If the flywheel is spoilt, the car will not start. It is the vital part of the engine that keeps it going. If our heart is spoilt, in the sense that it is not right with God nothing else will work. Therefore, we should change our attitude and mindset and let God minister to us in every aspect. To listen to God and not to challenge him. Once our heart is right with God, everything else will fall in place and the grace of God will start flowing.



Friday, January 05, 2007

Day 3 of orientation is not that wordy. Start out with some bonding games with the OG class. I think everyone get to know each other better. There is more interaction. Everyone was participation more. There is more chatting and the guys and girls started to mix. It is always the problem of gender mixing that is a problem.

After that went to the hall for some games. The groups played pentagon captain's ball. It is just normal captain's ball but is 5 teams competing with 3 balls. It really bond the group together and everyone find their part in the game and get to know each other.

Went for amazing race after that. It was a good experience for all. But it will be better with less restrictions. it was hot and everything unbearable. But the group got better with the experience and helped each other during the race. The day ended with the pit stop at The animal resort. It was out of the original and I think Justin did a wonderful job in leading everyone. Got to know him better and he is really a good friend and person.



Thursday, January 04, 2007

Today is the second day of orientation. It was nothing fun also. There is a lot of talks and all. But at least we need not report at 0645 today. We report at 0700 today, so I got a little more sleep.

The first thing was to let the CT have their time with the group. Then let the teachers tell the student more about what the school offers and what the subject is about. I did a little promoting for Chinese and let them know about CLL. Got to know that I need not sit for the block test at all. I was delighted. No need to study and more time to rest.

After that, brought the students to the hall for more talks. We then went to the LT for some learning. We learn the cheers for the house. Although I was reluctant, but I had to learn the other house's cheer as I am representing them. Went back to the hall after that and taught the cheer to the students. It was what I expected them to be. No reaction. It is what I used to do as a student also. I went to the back and join the cheering with martin and group. We had fun dancing and acting enthu about the cheers.

After that, brought the group to the basketball court to play some games. The original game was boring, so we had to come up with new games. The game masters and I can up with this attack and defence game that everyone enjoy playing. Sometimes I just feel like a born leader. I want to apologise to Justin and Andria as I think I was a bit bossy.

Went for lunch after that. I did not eat as usual as I hate crowds. The people just made me loss my appetite. Then they have to go back to the hall for mass dance. I don't know why I hate mass dance so much. Actually I only like it when there is only a few, but a large group just turns my off. I just went touring the school on my own to waste the time that their use on the dance.

It was talk again after that. The OGLs went for a brifing on tomorrow's amazing race. Hope it will come out well as the plan was totally stupid and pointless. We have to move around in a large group of about 100 students. I just hope Justin and I can clique better. I think we can really chat a lot.

The day ended with a lot of talking and even some negative remarks. But nevermind. Hope tomorrow will turn out alright. Lets just enjoy ourselves.



Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Went to school early in the morning. Thank God I can wake up. Reach school just in time, 0645. Heard a lot of crap from dylon and Mr Ong. But think they got to say all those just for the record. Then got to know who is in my group and we went to get the shirts and files and everything for the OG group.

The three leaders for the group then took a bit of time to chat and get to know ech other. I don't know about them but this is the first time I talk to them. I feel that they are a pair of friendly OGL. We can really talk a lot. Forgot to mention their name, Andria and Justin. I don't know if the freshmen are the one going through orientation or are we. When we meet the group, it wasn't what I expected. All of them look very boring and dead. But I think we can do something about this.

The first thing we did was to collect money. $30 from each one and it adds up to $500 over. It is a lot of money to carry around. Then bring the group to the hall for a lot of talk. It is time for the OGL to listen to a lot of talks too. We headed to LT4 for the boring session. At least my OGL mate were both sporting. I hope I can also be as sporting like them. They are really friendly and I got to know them with just the few hours of chatting. I really enjoy them as my OGL mate.

Well the day is just full of addressing that was very boring. I hope there will be some changes. Or it will just be Justin and me chatting and get to know each other only.



Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Your Chances of Being a Multimillionaire: 96%

It's almost certain you'll be a multimillionaire. Just keep doing what you're doing. You are good with money, a creative thinker, and an ethical person. You might be the next Donald Trump!

You Are Cyclops

Dedicated and responsible, you will always remain loyal to your cause. You are a commanding leader - after all, you can kill someone just by looking at them. Power: force beams from your eyes

You Are Spider-Man

Quick and agile, you have killer instincts (literally). And that kind of makes up for the whole creepy spider thing.

You're an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

1) To be closer to God in my daily prayer and stay faithful. Obey all the commands and be exemplary in my actions. To be more of a prayerful person and trust all things in the Lord my God. Pay my tithes punctually.

2) Save up and better manage my finance. have a regular saving and not spend on unnecessary things. Keep a good account of my spending. Not to buy things that is too expensive and that I don't really need.

3) Be more serious in my studies and get good grades for my A levels. Not to waste time talking and skipping lessons. Pay more attention in class and ask even more questions when in doubt. Read more news and learn more vocab.

4) Do more sports and train up my body to prepare for NS. Get a better tan and darker skin. Slim down and get more muscles on me. Train up my stamina and my speed in long distance.

5) Control my temper. Learn to give in to people. Not to be to harsh when I speak. Think about how others will feel. Learn to give thanks and due credit to friends.

6) Make more friends in school, in other schools and even in church. Be more friendly and spend more times with friends and get closer to them. Sharing my faith with them and may them be saved. Treasure those friends that are around me and give them credit more often.

7) Find myself a soul mate and really learn to be able to share my everything with the person. To be able to sacrifice for a friend in need. Give thanks to friends who have made an impact in my life and pray that they will stay in my life always- choon poh, yun xiang, wei hao, benny, wei ann, wei qiang, kian wai, meng hui, Luke phua, jordan, yong jing.

8) Get myself a new bike that I can use and not too bad a quality. Maybe to even learn driving soon and get myself an inexpensive car that I can drive and go everywhere I like. Even be able to spend more time with friends by driving them around and using the time to chat with them.

9) Get a Badminton instructor license and get into coaching full time. Get an extra income with it.

10) Spend more time with my church friends and keep them company whenever I can. Really spend time chatting with them to know what is going on in their life and help in any way I can.

11) Get into more ministry. Even to be able to be in teaching ministry even though I cannot teach. Pray that God will guide me in my weakness and let me grow in them. Let me be part of God's kingdom in serving him more.

12) Get myself more clothes and learn to dress better and look better in crowd. Be more aware of how I portray myself in a group.

13) Teach my friends whatever I know and not reserve any thing that will show my insincerity. Spend more times doing things my friends like instead of what I like.

Let me start from yesterday 31 December 2006. It was a Sunday and I had to go to church. Not saying I don't like to go, but it was a very special day for me. The last day of a enjoyable yet sorrowful year. The church service was good and the need of prayer just set my heart and mind on the new year that it will be a prayerful year.

Before I went to church, I went to Luke's house to put my bag full of clothing and stuff as we were going to spend the night at Amanda's house to countdown to the new year. Luke and I planned to wear the jacket/coat that we bought to church and it was funny as everyone in church asked about the resemblance in dressing.

After the service, went to have lunch at Yishun with Luke, Grace, Kristy and Dorothy. Got a news that the gathering was cancelled as pastor disagree to it. So no choice and we had to cancel it. We then went to Northpoint to walk around and to think of what to do. In the end, we spend the time at Mac and chat. We decided to go Safra yishun for KTV but the price was too much to pay. So we went to check out the pool and it was packed. Not having anything to do, we sit down again to think of what to do. We went to the bowling centre to bowl in the end. Saw choo shinh there. We decide to take a $32 package that is 1 hour long for as many games as possible. It is only Luke, Dorothy and me who played in the end as the others had to leave. It was a long time since I last bowl and I did not even score 100 points. I cannot even get a 10 kg ball. After that, went to play pool as Luke keep wanting to play. I had not play pool for like 1 year plus and my skill was very rusty. But I manage to win 4-1 in the end I think. Grace came and meet us and we had BK for dinner. We chat for a long time and saw some gangster chasing another group of gangsters.

We had nothing to do by this time and we decided to head to town for some night walk. We arrive there around 1 plus and started to walk down and up the whole street. We took a lot of time chatting as well and we really enjoy the time. But we were all exhausted by then. we went to PS mac to chat and waste our time away waiting for the first train. Went to sleep a Luke's place as I had no energy left to go home. Slept at 8 plus and woke up at 1 plus.

The new year starts will a great deal of chatting with Luke on the bed. Wash up and had more chatting. I just love this kind of life with a lot of chatting. Had some noodles that Luke's mother cooked, thanks auntie. We continued to have our chatting session on the bed. Sounds gay but not at all. It is good to have time chatting with a friend. Thank God for sending friends like Luke. We then decided to go down to Douby ghuat paradiz centre to play pool and his brother gave us a lift. It was crowded and we decided to go for a drink first. Luke had not been to TCC before so we went in to give it a try. Ordered 2 Mocha Villa, my favourite drink and potato wedges to share. It was time for chatting again.

After an hour plus or so of chatting we decided to leave as we need to go to the gents. After that went to play pool. Luke is certainly a fast learner. I nearly lose to him. We walked down to town and then went to tiong to take the train. Chatted all the way. I went home after sending him to Raffles place. It is just so fun and enjoyable chatting with Luke. Very soon, school will be starting. Busy shedule ahead.

New year resolution will be done and shown by tomorrow night latest. Pray that God will guide me and lead me through all the resolutions.