Saturday, March 31, 2007

I was thinking of this question in recent days. Where will I be after I die? If you don't know, I am a christian. But the question is still very dubious.

If you ask christian, they will tell you that they will go to heaven because they know Jesus and He sacrifice for our entry into his kingdom. But is it that simple? In the bible, it mentioned the way to lead a blameless life and be Christ-like so that we can gain the chance. In our everyday life, how many things we do is not being justifiable? I don't agree with the thinking of repenting every week and think we can go away blameless. True, we can repent our sins and seek forgiveness. But it is not right to have the thinking that we can do whatever we want then come to God once a week and aspect that He forgive us. He might but we will still be marked as unfaithful.

We often take things for granted. Even in the matter of God. To enter into heaven is not as easy as we think. Seriously, I don't think I have met the criteria. Some might think that we are all sinful in nature so don't worry. God is merciful. God may be merciful, we may be sinners but that is no reason that we should compromise. If there is this day that God stand before you, what would you say that will gain his favour? It is not by work or by any ties that we have. It is by doing in accordance to what the father commands. This may sound harsh by it is true. Search our hearts my fellow christian out there. Are you sure you will pass the test? To my non-christian friends, heaven is real so is hell.

Where do we hope to end up after we pass away? To be able to sit beside the throne of the father? Or to suffer torment in hell? Don't base your answers on a blind faith. Take a moment to think it through. I am not promoting my religion by the way. Have we really done what is demanded of us? Or our we compromising on our ways? It is in the every single action and thought that will prove our christ-likeness. I can tell you that I have not reach that level yet. I do do things that is not right and not glorifying to God. I seek forgiveness and I really ask God to guide me. Friends who know me for very long will see the changes in me. I am not perfect but I will seek help in changing my attitude. To be just like Jesus means throwing away the old me and donning a new me. It is a difficult process that we must all go through. It will confirm our faith and transform us to a better person.

In the process, we will have to sacrifice a lot. What we treasure most, our hardwork for many years, our hobbies and even our best friends. It is often a journey of loneliness. Who will understand you so well except God himself? God give us each a different route to walk. Take me for example. After my duty on Sunday, all I hope for is a good drink and chat with one or two close friends to relax and prepare for the new challenges the next day. But many a times who I seek for is not found in church. I can only turn to my worldly friends. It takes a lot of courage and restrain to know what to do and what not when what they care most is to have fun. Christians hope for a ministry, but me, I just hope to be who I am. Not being tied down and be free. Serve God without being known. I don't mind being misunderstood. But I just need someone there to give me support in all that I do.

Jesus in his earthly walk is also a lonely one. Even his favourite disciple do not understand him. The prophets misunderstood him. The people thinks his mad. His disciple is ashamed because of him. What he have is the support of Mary who never give up. How many of such friends do we have? To help us grow and support us in their every way possible. Not asking for recognition but just that simple friendship.

So let us take some time to really think about it. Need not be a christian to think about this issue. Are we doing what is right? Is our actions accountable? Where is the final destination in our life? For those who do not know Jesus, I hope you give him a chance. Get to know him in a personal way. Give me a call or tag if you are interested.



Tuesday, March 27, 2007

What do we consider to be life's greatest friendship? Or rather who do we consider to be our life's greatest friend. Where can we find such a kind of friend? C.S. Lewis once said 'Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, "What! You as well? I thought I was the only one."'.

Indeed that life's greatest friendship compose of a key idea of a common identity. To share the same view and to have the same interest. This will make the friendship last a long while. Having the common interest means that you have someone to do the same thing with. Like a swimming partner, a makan kaki, a shopping partner or even a soul mate.

Friends are easy to find but a true friendship is difficult to come by. Well, when you have more friends you will have less friendship. Your time spend with each of them is divided. Leaving only a fraction of the available time you have with those you really want to be with. The bible says that "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." This is to prove that we can have many friends but there is only one who is able to be called our life's best friend.

For Christians out there, Jesus is no doubt life's best friendship. But can we truly accept that? Or are we constantly trying to find a tangible substitute? Since God's tool is through man, then I guess it is not wrong to put our friendship in man. But man does fail us. That's why we get betrayed by those we think we are very close with. Even the devil is good in using man to tempt us.

Friends double our joy and halve our sorrow. The best present is your presence. We always enjoy being with a special someone(not your girlfriend). We feel so happy and glad that this friend is beside us but when they are not around, it is like a part of us is gone. During birthdays, what we truly want is not the expensive gifts that we will receive but the company of those close to us. Isn't it nice to have someone remember your birthday? Having your best friend telling you to keep you birthday free and want to ask you out.

I am glad that I have found life's greatest friendship in many of my friends. Some of whom has known my for a long time since primary school and some is just barely a year. Just praying that these friends will stick with me till as long as we can. Every thing is as good as it last. Meng hui and Luke, I hope that our friendship will last and can be marked as life's greatest friendship and make a mark in God's record book.



Monday, March 26, 2007

Saw the weekly wisdom on my blog and feel that i should pen down my thoughts.

Many a times we get offended by others regardless of being family, siblings or even friends. Be it in their actions, words, attitude or their behaviour. In such a situation, what is our usual reaction? To start scolding? To give in to hatred? Or to be indifference?

To dwell on the matter is just a waste of time. But it is just a norm for many of us. Not to forget the matter but to make our life revolve around the issue. It is just another burden we stress unto ourselves. For me, I will dwell into the matter. Easier say than done. I can't just forget about it. If someone step on my tail, I will make sure this person will enjoy a tough life ahead.

It is not wise to stand against me. Not saying that I am right, but is my ego that does not allow me to take a step back. I admit that sometimes my actions is overboard. That's why I told a couple of close friends to tell me off when I am doing something that is over the limit. I won't get offended if my friends come and tell me off. But on the criteria that he must go out for a meal with me.

It is wise to get over the matter. When we are offended, just get over it. It doesn't help if we emphasis too much on the matter. Whatever happened is a thing of the past. So lets just use it as a lesson learned and get over it.

I want to even use this as an opportunity to apologies to all my friends whom I have offended in one way or another. Please don't bear any grudges. We are friends after all. After so many years of friendship, We should be able to talk things out. After all, there's no reason we can't be civilised.



Saturday, March 24, 2007

3 points of concern:
genuine love
common visions and interest
taking risks

What is true friendship you may ask. Like love many think that they know what it is. Or that they think they know what is real and fake friendship.It is not easy to comprehend the real deal.

The bible state that "A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray." in proverbs 12:26. It shows that friendship is not easily bonded between any two. It takes a righteous man to find someone who is righteous so that they will find genuine love for each other. That all that they do for each other was for their interest in stake. A wrong move will cause the destruction of oneself. Taking the wrong steps and make a wrong friend will cause eternal regret. Therefore, seek someone that is true and genuine and is righteous.

Isn't is difficult to find someone who shares a common vision and interest? Maybe you will say it is easy and it takes little for you to search out this person. Someone who plays basketball, like to play computer games, same taste for girls, prefer a particular brand or even to enjoy the same group of friends. But is it all this that matters? Is it all about play and enjoying life? Same vision should be in the form that is beneficial. Not just to yourself but to all that is around. Doing what is right and be able to stand tall for what you have done. For Christians, having a true friend is when he will tell you off when you do something wrong. Not to compromise and close one eye. Not just knowing how to go out and play every time but also know when to take time off for other more important things like reflecting on what you have done.

True friends should be able to go through thick and thin. To dare to do things and not afraid of the consequences. When you see your friends doing something wrong, dare to go up to him/her to tell her off. Don't be afraid that they might hate you for it. It is after all not to criticise but to aid in their growth. If they get angry, hate you for it then you know that this friendship is not real. It is all about taking risk and taking this first step out.

All this may sound simple and you might think that you have found this special and true friendship. But take a minute to ponder this important question. How long will your friendship last? There is always this expire date recording in everything. It can be not obvious but if you seriously search, you will find it. There is nothing we can do but to make the best with all we have. Having the 'Carpe diem' attitude.
Everything is at good as it last.

Block test ended on Thursday. Finally time to relax and take a break. Or else I will break down very soon. I am stressed over the limit and depress down to the pit. Drama rehearsal took even more out of me.

But thank God I have good friends around who will just cheer me up. On Friday night after church, meet up with two of my best friends. Although there is church, but I will still take the time out to meet them. Church friends no matter how good can't be compared to them. At least I was never disappointed by them before.

Meet up with them at Great World for a movie. We decided to go for supper before the movie. I suggested this hong kong cafe just opposite Great World City. We went there for some food and drink. Everything was nice except the dessert and we were like being cheated of because it taste below average.

It is just so nice to have good friends around who can help you to de-stress. Spend the whole night with them and walked back home and chatted on the way. When I got home, it was around 4am in the morning. I get change and hit the bed. Fall asleep immediately.

It was just so good that I want another day out. One good day of excitement will make the next day feel so empty.



Tuesday, March 20, 2007

This week is my week of block test. But I do not have the mood to study for it. I did do my share of revision but just nothing goes in. Not just me but I guess the whole lot of my friends are not really studying much for it. It is just not the right timing for test I guess.

Not just busy with test but church. Helping out in the drama this coming 30th. The detail, I guess it is a secret, so I won't say much. It is just taking up all the extra time I have. No time for outing, no time for slacking. Most of all, no time for sleep. All this going around cost me quite a bit. Buying things and eating food.

Amidst my hectic schedule, I am glad that I have some caring friends with me. My old friends are back! Time for all the fun to return. Starting this weekend. Going out to makan, then movie, then pool. I will try to make it as far as possible. Not going to let any other thing come in between this date. It is not like everyday that we can meet and just go out anytime we like.

This topic for paper 2 is just so good that I can't forget. It is about internal dialogue. We feel depress and all because in our subconscious mind, we are telling ourselves what we should be feeling. It is the key that make or break us. When I get back my paper, I will try and find time to type it into an entry.

Just can't wait for Thursday to end and to mark the end of block test. Also can't wait for the weekend then I can meet up with my friends and gather together to chat about our life journey. I also need the break to recharge myself. Need that encouragement. Guess this are the friends that really know me and I can really be myself with them.

It is the distance that draws friends nearer. The test of true friendship is when two are far apart. You will know that one is your true friend when you are far away and needing someone, a call or sms from that someone will cheer you up no matter what problem you are facing. This is what I wrote for me Chinese essay. But no time to evaluate. So I will use this chance to bring out my point. The topic is 'distance is beautiful'. Do you find yourself calling the same person every time you needed someone to chat? Do you find yourself always asking the same person out every time? Is this person that you really desire? Or is it just out of convenience?

For guys, they always say that you will find real friends in the army. Although I have not been through it, but I guess it is really true. You will have to be that very close to all the guys that is sleeping beside you almost everyday. Tolerating their every habit and behaviour. Taking their hearts out under the stars. But I think the real reward of friendship is when you come out during the weekends and having someone coming to you telling you that he/she miss you a lot. That will be the real friendship anyone can look for.

A friend who offer a helping hand in times of need is far more satisfying than friends who can only go out with you to merry.



Saturday, March 17, 2007

Went over to Jurong today to play badminton with Cedric, Jolene and Dorothy. New experience with this group of friends. Never go out with Cedric before ever since I know him.

Played from 2pm to 4pm. Then meet up with Matthew to play pool. Two of my favourite sports at one go on the same day. Moreover it is near where I live. What a blessing. But I spend quite a lot on this day. On food and game and everything else. I want to save up for May to come. There is some important date that is coming up. Not going to miss it.

Well, miss Luke very much. Sound so gay but whatever. For my friends who are reading this. If you regard me as your friend, don't be such a wishy-washy. If you want to ask me out or want a company, just give me a call. Don't give excuses like it is far for me, it is not convenient. In any case, the trouble is on me. I haven say a thing and you are already deciding for me. I will be there if you really need me.

I so want to watch 300. Who have not watch the show and want to find someone to watch. Or else I will end up downloading from the web and wait for the VCD to come out.

I really miss my friends very much. Meng hui and Luke. Alright it is getting more gay. I will stop here. If either of you are reading this, please give me a call. Lets chat. Never experience chatting over the phone for a very long time before.



Friday, March 16, 2007

It is going to be a long post again. Going to sum up the week. Although it is not the end of the week but it is almost. Don't want to find myself struggling to recall everything on Sunday.

Today, went to play Badminton in the morning with JK. Never expect him to ask me out to play. But its alright with me as long as some one ask me out to play. Then I went home to bath and get change for school. In school, receive an sms from Luke asking me out for dinner. It surprise me that he will ask me out. Never expected it.

Continued with my studies and it was again a fruitful day. But I am way lagging behind. But I am aiming for A levels and not this block test. Want to apologise to yong jie that I can't accompany you to MDIS today. But at least you got Luke to go with you.

In the service today, pastor preach on new friendship. It really spoke to me. What kind of friendship we should have. True friendship should encompass 3 aspect. Genuine love, common vision and interest and taking risk. I guess I do have friends who inherited this 3 aspect. But they are friends of the past. Now I just hope I can find new friends that does have all this in them. Maybe there is one or two waiting for me to discover. But this is one of the future.

Over the week, thank God for answering my prayers. For better friendship. Had a small sms conversation with menghui and he actually chat with me what he is going through now. Never expect that he would share with me. But I am glad he did. At least now I know what he is going through. But I want to apologise for today. I totally forgot that I promise a supper with you. I only remember when I went up the bus and it is too late already. It is rare that we have this opportunity. In the morning God whispered to me that I will be having supper. But again I ignore Him. Really sorry my friend. I will make it up to you in any way possible. Just feel free to call or message me.

This week has been a busy week for me. Going to ACS on Monday and Tuesday for Badminton, wasted the whole two days. Went to school on the next two days and study. But was at a very slow rate. Today, well, just as you would already know. Didn't have the time to really enjoy myself or with my friends. I really hope to spent one day to fellowship with Luke. Miss him very much.

Luke, I will be praying for you that you will be my next G12 leader. I really hope that the door will be open for you. I have confidence in you that you will do well. I respect you and believe in your talent. Don't let me down. All the best in your FYP. Will also be praying for you on that. Next time you can pray for my A levels.

Menghui my friend, I will also be praying for you. You are never forgotten in my prayers. Hope our friendship will grow even stronger. I also hope that I can spend one day fellow-shipping with you too. I am sure that you will get into a ministry that you desire.

In school today, I discovered something amazing. Apparently I know quite a lot of people in school. Where ever I walk to, I will see a familiar face. Even to the toilet, I will find someone I know. Be it J1, J2, teachers, cleaners and even the security guards. I thought I was a nobody in school but in fact it is not. I even know friends from the science stream which most art stream students will have no contact with. I don't know if it is a good thing to know so many people. I will accept everyone but I will chose my friends.

I used to hate school a lot and don't get me wrong. I still hate the school but I have a sense of connection with the people in it. The students and some teachers who are so understanding.



Thursday, March 15, 2007

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Had the chance to go to school and study. Woke up quite early and went to school. Didn't had any breakfast because I was fasting. I try to find time to fast. To seek God and his divine intervention in my life. To ask him questions that is troubling me. Also to read my bible. It is not just about myself. I did pray for menghui and Luke as I have promise to include them in my every prayer.

Did some studying in the library alone. Isolate myself as I do not want any distractions. It was quite fruitful as I did revise some of my work. But the most important thing is that I overcome the temptation of food. To my surprise there were stalls opened to sell food. But I did not summit to my desire. But guess the hour was too long and I dose off quite a few time. But nonetheless I did do my studying. Going back tomorrow for more studying. Must be a good boy and study.

Well I was studying, a question come to mind. What if tomorrow never come? What will I do today? At that moment, I did not know what to do if it really happen. There will surely be a few people I want to be with. There are surely things I want to do. But the question is do I have the time?



Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Don't even mention what happened this morning. It just wasn't my day. It was just an upset. I could have done better. Blame it on everything possible. I just don't know what to say.

Went home after that, had no mood to go anywhere else. The first thing I do is to sleep. To make up for the lack of sleep I had. This holiday was suppose to be a study week. But guess it will not be possible as I have already wasted like 2 days doing nothing. Please for those who are reading this, do not deter yourselves from asking me out. I really need a break and friends with me for this crucial period.

The thing I like about staying home is that I can reflect on many things. The even better part of it is that I can get emotional over it.

I guess my feelings over her has died. I do like her very much and I think it is just not the right time. Now is not the time for relationship for me. I just have no extra time for it. I am all packed with everything else that is not of my desire. Just doing what God has set in me and I just hope I don't complain as much. Frankly speaking I do not have the inclination to do the work of God. The responsibility is too great. Much is given, much is expected and I can't meet with the expectations. So this fading of feeling for her really helped me a lot.

Some thought come to mind and I think about it and guess it make sense. I am spending so much time in church and church activities that I have no time for the rest. I feel so out of place because I do not know what happened when the rest goes out while I had to go church. Every Wednesdays and Fridays I miss out on opportunities to bound with my badminton friends just because I had to go church and G12. I can't go out with my secondary school friends because I got church on Fridays and Sundays and have to sleep early on Saturdays. I can't ask people out because I have church activities on Saturdays and duties on Sundays. Despite my tiredness I have to go for G12 on Wednesdays and feel exhausted when I reach home. special events now and then forced me to stay back till every late and ended up taking the last train home.

Church has really occupied my entire life. Not to mention the long hours of schooling. My personal life is totally gone and I have no freedom at all. No time for friends everywhere. The irony is that I am not feeling the sense of belonging to the church as much. I am just like a bird in a cage yearning to fly out.

How I wish that I can get some friends and go to a local pub and chat over a bottle of beer and a cigarette in hand. Without having to worry about anything, just sitting there and rot my life away with friends that really know me.

Another matter come into mind while I was emo-ing at home. Who are my real friends? I think of my secondary school friends. They just seem to know me so well. What I like and dislike. The people that I prefer, and those I hate. The places I feel comfortable and the places I hate.

Then, I think of my primary school friends. They are just so supporting. They go through almost the same thing I went through and they are really my brothers. I just feel so enjoying being with them. Chatting with them just brings back so much memories and happy times.

I also think of a few particular friends, namely choon poh, weihao, yewon, yunxiang, dianto, gekpeng, huimin, benny, weiann, elton, johny, eugene, menghui, luke sim, matthew, luke phua and some I forgot. This are the friends that have made a mark in my life that I will never forget. Not to forget those that I know from JC like sharon, sophie, zw, jh, huishan, martin lim, martin shing and the many more.

Now more than ever I need all this friends with me. For support, for comfort and even for confide. Send me a message now and then to chat with me will surely make my day. Just hope to concentrate on my educations and not let other things distract me. Every one is just so stressed and depressed at this period of time that even I am also affected.

Friends who are reading this, do not wait to send that sms to ask me out. I will if I can fit it into my timing. Town will be the preferred place but I am also fine with the heartlands as long as I have easy access home. A good meal is all that satisfy me.

Nothing last forever, neither friends nor foes.



Monday, March 12, 2007

Before I recall what happened today, I want to share about this email I just read. It really inspired me and comforted me.

Someone from some corner of this world shares the same view as me. Does Christians really go to church for God or the activities after it that attracts them? Does their faith only restricted to the days the have church? This is what commonly known as Sunday Christians. Can Jesus be in our mind even when we do anything? When we are just so sleepy in church service but lively after it. The worldly is just so tempting that no word from the bible can change our view permanently.

Anyway, today was the first day of Pilot pen competition. When we went over to register, we were all worried. Thanks to some trouble-maker, jh and I was not able to play. But due to our wits, we still continued to play.

My match was number 7 and while they called the matches, I was anxious to know which court I was playing at. It is just so cold with the air-con on. How can we play with such a condition set before us? To cut the story short, I waited for a long time and the panel called out my name. Adding on to that was that my match had a walkover. Therefore, I get to go into the second round. That was not what I was expecting. I really need to experience the court. Tomorrow will be a losing fight. But who care about winning or losing. Just want to have time to relax and play Badminton. But sad to say, our doubles cannot make it to round 2. They have really improved and have reach a high standard. I was quite confident that they can do it. But I guess it was the support they had that lead to a win for TPJC. Hope I don't die too ugly tomorrow.

After that went home to change and bath and get ready to go over to kahtib for a rehearsal for the drama event. I just know that they will add more things for me to do. It is the usual. Putting my acting to the test. I am really not an actor. I can't act. But I guess there is a reason for everything. Just wait and see. At least I did drag Luke down with me. He should be acting and maybe I will try and get him to rap. Want to die, die together. That's what friends are for.

Feeling physically, mentally, spiritually drained is because we are doing the work of God seriously.



Saturday, March 10, 2007

A lot of things happened this week. A lot of changes happened. My tolerant is pushed to the limit and I don't know how long I can withstand this kid.

Start it off with this OGL thing. Basically, as I have said many times over and over again this batch of OGLs sucks. They lack the leadership and worse of all they are doing a mess of things. I can see groups of J1 looking so lost and their OGLs is like nowhere in sight. And on this particular day, I saw a huge group of OGLs hanging around a bench and just mixing among themselves. Isn't the OGLs suppose to mix with the J1 and make them feel homely? Well there is just too many of them to start with. Anyway, it is over and lets just forget it.

School have never been so stressful. All the teachers are talking about A levels and our results. They just use it as an excuse to give more work to us. As if we have nothing else better to do. With so much work at hand, how are we going to study? Seeing everyone else in school being so stress just makes matter worse. Everyone just have their own share of problems and all seem so sad. I don't even know how to cheer them up. Whenever people see me in school, they just ask why I look so stressed. But seriously I do not have the answer.

This kid in school just makes matter worse. He has the lowest EQ in the whole world I reckon. Speak without thinking through his brain. Think that he knows everything. What has it got to do with you anyway? Those people are not your friend. They don't even know you. Mind your own business and do your studies. You think you are mixing in by giving insulting comments on others? In fact you are just telling people are low your EQ is. I will just wait and see how you live through your NS days.

This holiday is suppose to be a study week but I think I will use a few days to play as well. Getting back on track with my friends and catching up with what I have missed. Also to do some things I have been yearning to do. Lets find time to go out someday.



Monday, March 05, 2007

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Have you ever wonder what people do in Church? What does it meant by going to church? Why people say that they want/need to go church?

Church is a place to worship God. You can find church under places of worship in the map. But many a times people change the noun of the term. They worship man instead of God.

The purpose of coming to church is to worship God. It is His day. We should give the whole day to Him. Like the 1st day of Chinese New Year, we spend the whole day in the festive season, we should spend the whole day worshipping God on Sunday. That is the true meaning of coming to church. But sadly this is not reality.

I used to do the same. I play the whole day on Saturday and come to church on Sunday with a dead tired self. During the preaching, I would fall asleep or talk with the one next to me. Or even sms someone. After service, I would be rejuvenated and ready to go out to play again. I would go out with yong jie and Luke to swenson or somewhere to eat and after that go out. God seem to be gone in the whole equation. But God spoke to me and I am not doing the same thing again.

Christian in church nowadays are doing the same. Or at least there is a fraction of so that is doing this. They deliberately enter into the auditorium late. And of their conversation before the service is nothing related to God. It is either about Soccer game last night, new games in town, what they did the day before, where to eat after church or even where to go after church. It is as though the day is a day of outing.

No one can say no to this. I do admit that I never had this kind of attitude in church. The total anticipation of what to expect of God's word. I heard all this with my own ears and my own eyes.

I do not know about other churches in Singapore but for EFC, Youngsters come late for service and I sometimes wonder why. They are the usual group that come in late into the service and stay back late after the service in church. Or they can go and eat lunch after service and come back. Are they enthusiastic about church? I don't think so.

The only reason is that the purpose of them coming to church the event after the church. Be it going out to eat, watch a movie or to just go out and waste money. I have seen it many a times and I am quite sick of it. I am not saying that we should go to church and after that go home straight. But we should moderate our activities. Going out once in a while. In EFC, there are a lot of activities. For a normal member, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday is all packed. If we still choose to go out after all this events and returning home late, we will not be a good testimony. For any parents, they would ask their child why are they always going out so late. Naturally they will relate church to late return and would blame everything to church. If not the time factor, it is the money. How much are we spending on an average week? Is it glorifying to God?

So what is the meaning of going to church on Sundays? Might as well don't go and just go out instead. Then you got more time to use. People say 'better late than never', but I disagree. You got no reason to be late for service. The cause is yourself. If you don't have the heart then don't come. False prophets suffers a worse fate than those who don't know God. So don't pretend that you have the heart to come and worship God.