Praying is not a very unique thing. It is just as normal as us chatting with our friends. There is not formula to praying but to have faith. Believing is the way to an effective prayer and believing that God will answer.
Prayer is just like a request. A request to God believing that he will answer. It is just a conversation is short. Not with man with with God. There is no formality involve in praying because Jesus is our friend. He is not some superior being far beyond our reach but someone just a prayer away. Just ask of Him of anything your heart desire. For example " God, I pray that you will grant me freedom in expressing what is in my heart." The important thing is to be straight to the point and not be general. Ask what you really want and you will receive.
Be sure that He will answer your prayer. But He will answer in His own timing. After all, he knows when is the best time. He is God who created us and set our path before we were even born. He knows what will happen as he is the alter and finisher of our life. Ask in His name and he will surely hear what you have asked. End your prayer with " in Jesus name". Not the name of man but that of the almighty God who will surely hear your heart.
Even the simplest thing, have faith that he will answer. Things as minor as "God, please send a bus here quickly" to the biggest request like "God, please heal me of this terminal disease." He will surely bless you with everything that is good for you. Will a father not give the child what is good for him? Neither will your heavenly father ignores the cry of your weary heart.
In short, prayer is a request to God. Ask in His name and it shall be given. Have faith that he will hear and answer. Believe in miracle and it shall be done. Any other questions please sent me a message and I will answer.
zihao blogged at 6/30/2007 08:35:00 PM
Thursday, June 28, 2007
I am not suppose to be blogging now because I still have papers until next Wednesday. But I need to distress a little by writing out my feelings now since I don't feel like talking to anyone about it. The school counselor should be my next stop after this block test season. There is just so many things that causes my stressfulness.
I am getting more stress after each paper and more depress after seeing the questions on the papers. I was so under prepared for all my papers. Now I still got all the holiday homework waiting to be completed. I am preparing for a lot of nagging after this week. But I still need to restrain myself from walking out of the classroom or just give attitude to the teachers.
Currently I am procrastinating not to study for my human geography paper. All the studying during the holidays wasn't much help at all. Come to think of it, I did not know what I was studying for all this while. Even for my math I just can't seem to remember the formulas. Guess I was too distracted during my studies. I hate to study and knowing that there is still homework to be done just turn me off.
Right now I just want to eat a good buffet. Yearn for it for a long time but no chance to go and no one to go with. Be it international, mexican, japanese or even chinese, I am game for it. Eating just helps me to distress, especially with good friends around.
More stress are coming up soon. I can just smell it from afar. I need a sword to cut my throat. Wonder how long I can take it. But the thing is that I guess this super stressness is exclusive to YJC. No other schools will face such intense stress. Its time to find ways to help me look at things on a happier note and be cheerful, I hope.
S said that I was very high after I attended Church. Well it is true that I feel more relieved and light because I have thrown all my problems to God. Without any holding back, I pour out whatever sorrow I have.
But to me, this relieve is short. After a while, I am filled with pain and sorrow again. I am just too easily affected by what is happening. just simply ignored by someone will make me feel sad. I am just unable to give it up so easily. I need to rely on God to help me take away this weakness. I thought I have over come the pain, but I am wrong. All I have done is to hide the problem in one corner. When the light shines in, the spot will be revealed again.
I want to call him up one day and really talk things through with him. But I lack the courage. I know that it will solve the problem but it will also put an end to our friendship. I really don't want but I guess he have better friends around him and less of me make no difference. God be my witness that my friendship to him is only second to God himself. But things happen and we can't do anything to change it. Lets just see what God has planned.
I thought I have got over all these problems but have I really? I guess not. I just need help to get over the problem period. I need to concentrate on my studies now. I don't want to see you because you will bring back the whole matter. I am just so affected that I have no mood to go to school today. I am lacking behind but I am suppress by this load.
Who can I turn to? Sometimes God's voice seem so faint and I just can't make up what He is trying to say. Friends in Church? My cell group are all kids and my friends in church are no more there. Friends in school? Everyone is just stressed up with studies and I don't want to add on to their stress. Old friends? They are either in Army or busy with their final year. I don't blame anyone because we all have our own life to live.
Sometimes I just hope that I can take time off and go to somewhere quite with one or two close friends and just chill out and talk. So many things going through my mind now and I just can't focus on my studies. God, please help me. Who can I turn to for comfort and advice?
Emo-meter:140/100
zihao blogged at 6/23/2007 10:24:00 AM
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Want to start off by asking one question. Will there ever be someone so evil that even hell has no place for him?
I was emotionally unstable this past few weeks and can't seem to find the answer. But this two days, I was sort of awaken from this dream. I finally understood a lot of things I never thought I would. Really thanks to Meng Hui for helping me to seek the truth on some issues. You are really my light in the dark.
I think I would be in a mood swing this few days. I still need to choose my path from now on. Although things are now clearer but I still have some decisions to make. Things to choose and to give up and some important decisions to make that will impact the rest of my life. Will be in an isolation until I have go through this second stage.
Our life should be like the rubber band. Learning to be flexible and to absorb the impact and bounce any attacks back. To give and take and to give unto others what you hope to receive from them. Never be too stubborn and dwell into things that is beyond ourselves.
In cell group today, I sort of understood a logic. No one likes scolding. It is just so simple but sometimes we just forgot about this truth. I can't help but pity JH that he received so much lecturing. I want to save him but I am in no position to interfere. I understand his situation and not wanting to come at all. I am in his situation and I know what he is thinking and feelings. I really hope that I can use my life to change his thinking and to change his mindset on following Christ.
I thank Jennifer for guiding me and helping me through. She helped to build up my foundation in the Lord and today I can still seek His help. I dare not say I am spiritually strong or that I am a good christian because I did not achieve all this on my own. I did not solve the problems on my own. With good friends like Jennifer and Meng Hui, I got the help I need.
I did not go church because of my friends. I do not need to seek for activities after church. Knowing the one sitting beside me doesn't help in growing in God. I don't mind not knowing anyone from church. In fact I prefer to stay on low profile. I am not one who love the limelight and socializing. I can still find activity partners from my other friends. But something Aik hong says still make a lot of sense. Do not yoke with unbelievers. If God give me friends to stay, they will. If God never take away friends in my life, I will treasure them always.
At the end of the day, I will always treasure those who went through thick and thin with me. I will do anything for my friends who need me. I never like this thing about overly concern. If you are a true friend, you will know that I will do the same. I hate excuses like it is too late or that it is inconvenient. I would expect nothing less from my friends and so I expect my friends to treat me the same. I offer my friendship without any holding back and I hope whoever give his/hers will also do the same.
Anyway, this is off the topic. In summary, I have found my path that I should be taking and will be working toward it. But at now, I still still focus on my studies and forgive me if I give anyone attitudes. I am just having a mood swing and seeking what to do. Searching the right attitude and the light. Send me a message to give me your support if you really mean it.
zihao blogged at 6/20/2007 10:27:00 PM
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
The wind blows past no matter what we do. We can't store wind nor can we stop wind from blowing. We can only prepare ourselves when the wind comes.
Isn't it true that what ever we do can't change what is to happen? There is this old song that goes by whatever will be will be. We reap what we sow, if we do something bad we should anticipate the just deserve. No matter what we do, we can't stop retribution from coming. We can never stop judgement being made. Like the rain, we can't stop it from falling and we can never control it.
We can complain and blame everyone but we can never denial the actual cause of the problem. We should take up the courage to face the problems that is traveling towards us. No matter how hard we try, we can never push away the problems. So whatever it is, we should stay composed and not jump into conclusion.
Like the rain, everything will stop and passed by. Why don't we learn from the clouds and move on. Yes, it does stay for some time but after the rain, it will still move on. Be it happy or sad, it will still come to a closure and everything will be but history. So why dwell in the past when everyone has already moved on? The rainbow is still waiting to appear.
Every so often a rainbow will appear after the rain. But we are too occupied with the rain that we forgot about the beauty of the event that comes after the rain. The beauty of the rainbow is just so nice that people will be memorised by it and forget about rain itself. It is just as true for any event in our lives. We get so preoccupied by what is happening that we fail to see what comes after it.
We should count our blessings when ever we can. Be it in times of storm or in a peaceful oasis we should give thanks for being able to be in it. There is no storm that is forever and no problem that will never fade. Whatever that does not break you, make you. If we are not destroy by the event, we are stronger after going through it. Nothing in this world is eternal. Friends or no friends life still goes on, so why be bothered about these things that will hurt you?
Looking on the positive side, rain will bring water and it will help country in droughts. Lets not always look at things from the bad side. Turn the rotten apple around and you will see the good side. As human we tend to look at things from the wrong side and we should learn to look at things from a more positive point of view.
All this logic may sound simple but when we are faced with an ordeal, can we deal with it in the same way? I will be the first to say no. I have my own set of judgment and have high expectation of what I do. I dwell on matters I can't solve or don't understand. As simple as this may seem, it is difficult for anyone to perform it as a set of guideline to living.
Learnt all these from just a day out. Going to school, studying in school, talking to friends and going home after. People does not see as much, but when they do questions starts generating in their mind. So lets book a day to go ponder about all these.
zihao blogged at 6/19/2007 09:41:00 PM
Monday, June 18, 2007
What if i stumble? What if i fall?
Is this one for the people? Is this one for the lord? Or do i simply serenade for things i must afford? You can jumble them together, my conflict still remains Holiness is calling, in the midst of courting fame
Cause i see the trust in their eyes Though the sky is falling They need your love in their lives Compromise is calling
(chorus) What if i stumble, what if i fall? What if i lose my step and i make fools of us all? Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl? What if i stumble, and what if i fall?
What if i stumble, what if i fall? You never turn in the heat of it all What if i stumble, what if i fall?
Father please forgive me for i can not compose The fear that lives within me Or the rate at which it grows If struggle has a purpose On the narrow road you've carved Why do i dread my trespasses will leave a deadly scar
Do they see the fear in my eyes? Are they so revealing? This time i cannot disguise All the doubt i'm feeling
(repeat chorus)
What if i stumble? Everyone's got to crawl when you know that You're up against a wall, it's about to fall Everyone's got to crawl when you know that (2x)
I hear you whispering my name [you say] "my love for you will never change" [never change]
(repeat chorus 2x)
What if i stumble, what if i fall? You never turn in the heat of it all What if i stumble, what if i fall? You are my comfort, and my god
Is this one for the people, is this one for the lord?
zihao blogged at 6/18/2007 07:23:00 PM
Had this idea of doing business for quite some time now. I guess it started since Secondary. Many would aspire to set into the business world but how many are really prepared to do so? I really hope to start a business of me own so I need not worry about income.
Money is the biggest problem for a student like me but technology seems to solve the problem. Many people are doing a website of their own and doing their business there. Why not? Capital free business. I am actually wanting to do so as well. But I need to find a good web designer to do so for me. Anyway, it is a serious business so I want something more professional other than doing it on blogspot.
I want to get my friends who can design clothes to help me design on a regular basis and pay them commission on every piece sold. I want to be my own boss. Considering all the ideas I have and the resources I can get, I will be very successful. Now I just need to find some partners to start off this business.
From a website to a shop front. This is my ambition. Anyone interested? We can work out the details and start earning our first thousand.
zihao blogged at 6/18/2007 01:47:00 PM
Had a nice weekend. Did some catching up with old friends and did some special activities that we normally will not. But nonetheless, it was tiring when the day ended.
On Saturday, woke up by a morning call. Then saw that it was raining. The initial plan of going kayaking was canceled because it was too dangerous. But I still want to go kayaking. Anyone around want to go with me?
In the end, we end up going prawn fishing. Never tried prawn fishing but it was a fun thing. I would recommend people to go there and enjoy. Caught quite a lot of prawns for a beginner. Had a nice meal with the prawns we caught. A group of kids came after a while and in the end we end up teaching them what to do with the limited knowledge we have. We had to stay there for quite a while because it was raining and we stayed to chat.
After that, we went to parkway parade to visit shi shi. Walk around the mall and had coffee at starbucks. Went over to chinatown for dessert after she knock off.
Missed a few Sunday's service. Not that I want to. Yesterday I really woke up late. I woke up at 1pm because I slept at 5 plus in the morning. I discovered that I don't really miss anyone with my absence. I thought I would, but I was wrong. I am not sure what status am I in now.
Once a pastor said that our best friends are christians. But I don't know how. Do I have such a friend in church? Maybe to others they might have but not for me. My best friends and those who knows me well are those not found in church. I have tried to find such a friend in church but failed. So I don't think I will try anymore.
This holiday is coming to an end but I haven had much fun. A lot more things I have not done and so little time left to do them. Who is free to do all this things I want to do? I had to complete my revision by this week which I think it is quite impossible. Block test coming up next week which made me feel so unprepared. My medical checkup is also coming and not sure how I will do in it.
My stress level is going up continuously and I am trying my best to relax. Pressure is building up and I am trying not to let other things get into the way. I can't handle anymore problems that drop in. So pardon me if I avoid confrontation. I have yet to settle a rental at the north. So many things to do and so little time left. I am keeping my cool for as long as I can hold.
zihao blogged at 6/18/2007 09:44:00 AM
Friday, June 15, 2007
Didn't update for the past few days. Not really in the mood to do so. Did quite a lot of things but there is still a lot I want to do. Time is moving on and it is not waiting for anyone. Things happened and became part of history which we can learn from but can't change.
For this week, went to school every day for some studying. But I think it is not enough. I still got tons of revision yet to be completed and not to mention the holiday homework which I have cast aside.
Term 3 block test is 1 week away and I am so under prepared. I don't think I am going to make it but I will still try my best. Revise as much as possible and leave the rest to divine miracle.
Spend quite a lot during this holiday on food. Which was very satisfying. Food is the only thing that can cheer me up. But I have been slacking in my routine workout. Need to train up myself since I am not playing badminton anymore. So I guess I am going for a kayaking trip tomorrow if I can get enough people to go that is. I need my tanning real soon. But the problem now is the money.
I should be studying now but just can't gather the energy for it. I want to sleep so bad that I am still on my bed and not getting down. I am already behind schedule now but I guess I need this small break. Maybe continue studying tonight. Stress level is building up so quick that I am not doing anything to it.
Problems that are affecting me seems to find its own solution. Everyone have moved on and I guess I should. No point dwelling into things that well divert my attention. I need to stay focus and healthy to be able to meet with this challenge. Days will be very long after this June. Everyday will most likely end at 6pm and the same routine goes on like forever. The worse is that I don't think there is sufficient breaks.
I really need to find a rental room in the north soon. This will really help a lot in this last 200 metre of the marathon. I really hope to get it cheap and near school so I can sleep a little longer. Best is that I can use Internet. Friends are the crucial element in it. Cutting down on unwanted activities and focusing on the goal. Setting some goals and aims and most importantly a schedule.
Want to do so many things but so little time. Who can help me achieve all this?
命里有时终须有，命里无时莫强求 emo-meter: 140/100
zihao blogged at 6/15/2007 03:28:00 PM
Monday, June 11, 2007
zihao blogged at 6/11/2007 03:22:00 PM
Want to seek understanding from my non-Christian friends who are reading my blog. This few day's entry have been about my Christian life and less of what is happening. But this blog again is about some christian thing.
Read a random blog that is of a Christian. It made me to ponder about something.
What does a Church Camp means to you? It is about having fun? Being in a cool place? Able to go somewhere with your friends and play?
That Friday when I was in Church, Pastor mention about this year's church camp and I saw the happiness in the youth's faces. The weird thing is that I see fun and play in their eyes. That they are asking those around if they are going and planning to have fun already. I am not against having fun. I personally hope to go there and have fun.
But when I was reading this guy's blog, the feeling is different. It seems that the youth in his Church is less interested to know where the camp will be at(or maybe they know it already), but they are more interested in God's words. It is like they are starving for a long time and they see food. It is completely different for them when a Church camp is mentioned. They are so excited on what spiritual food they will receive and is preparing their heart for it.
I may be wrong but I feel that the attitude is different. To me, a Church camp is meant to have fun and chill out. To go there and make friends and bond with the Christians in Church. But after reading this blog, I feel that my thinking have to change. It is more on receiving God's words than our self pleasure. The place doesn't matter but is the words that matter the most.
But all this said, I am not sure if I am going for this year's Church camp. Not sure if I have the time. Not sure if I am still around. Not sure if I have the financial freedom. Not sure if I can find some friends to go with me. Not sure if I can win some new souls and bring them there.
I hope to go with Mr A, my best friend in church. But I don't think he can make it. His time will never allow and his in-charge will never allow. So I hope that 家杰 will want to go with me if he can make it. But before that, whether our friendship will heal in time for it is a question in itself.
As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. Psalm 42:1 (NIV)
zihao blogged at 6/11/2007 12:22:00 AM
Sunday, June 10, 2007
zihao blogged at 6/10/2007 11:01:00 PM
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Firstly, I want to thank Meng hui for helping me through a few question that I can't answer on my own. His words helped me see through a few things.
Is the world a better place? Christians always say that being saved is the best thing. Being with Christ is a good thing. But how sure are they of their faith? I rather believe in a Christian who have been through it and come over it than to listen to someone who tell me based on what other people say. Not trying to ask Christian to go back to the world and experience it. But How can a christian tell you that the world is not the paradise when they don't even know about it?
"The joy of the world is not real joy. It will bring even end up with more suffering." Isn't it so true. Eternal joy is achieved when we know that God has prepared the way for us through his suffering so that we may enjoy the joy that we are experiencing. The emptiness that we are feeling after a crazy night is because we lack the joy that God can put in us. Simple joy is as simple as having a simple meal with God by your side.
We always ask if we are doing the right things. But if our heart is focused unto God alone, we won't be asking this question. Instead, we will be asking have we done enough of what we are doing. For example, we should not ask if it is right to play warcraft or to drink alcohol but instead we should be asking if we have done enough to impact that someone's life.
We feel in a dilemma because we are trying to do the right things. We feel weary because we we put in whatever we have in the work of God. If we do not feel any struggle in our lives and is never in such a dilemma, we should really search our heart. We should ask ourselves if we are actually leading a christian life. Are we sacrificing for greater glory or are we compromising on what is demanded of us?
Are we leading a double standard life? Are we being one person in church and another outside? Are we dressing formally in Church and casually outside? Can we see the same behavior and person in church and out? If we weight the cost of giving up what we need to, there is actually nothing compared to what we will be receiving.
If we are doing what God want us to do, then we should not ask so much. If God take away something from our life, we should be aware that that something will not benefit us. God always want the best for us in every way possible. We should not ask Him to do what we want but we should do what God wants.
I understand all this just within the few words that came from Meng hui. I really must thank him for all this. Friends are those who lend a hand when you are down instead of standing around with others who will just ask questions.But I guess many others told me the same thing before, but I don't know why his words just sound more convincing.
zihao blogged at 6/09/2007 08:10:00 PM
Friday, June 08, 2007
more to come after I get them from my friends...
zihao blogged at 6/08/2007 11:55:00 PM
Went to church this two days and received 2 message that raised many questions in my mind. It wasn't my intention to go actually but guess it is a higher order than persuaded me to go.
My decision to step down from ministry might be sound for me, but it is not a justifiable act. It is a decision I have to make to allow me to want to come to church. The two night taught me that giving up is a coward act and I need to do the right thing by persevering.
But what I can't do is just that. I lack the courage to take up this challenge. To give up even more for the right cause. God will be my witness that my actions is ordain my his words and it does not come from man but only by the word of God. If I have ever done any thing that is from my own desire, may God's hand be over me. But if any one misjudged me, may God's justice be done.
Feel like backsliding, but I can't seem to stay away. I have failed God and let Him down again and again, and I don't know why he still don't let me go. I don't deserve all these that He is doing for me. I just feel very more pressured. That I am not doing what is expected of me. There is just so much of me to give up that I am not sure if I am able to do so.
After these few weeks, I have realised that I have became something I hate most. I have been spending excessively and on things that is unwanted. I have been staying out late a few nights of this few weeks and spending quite a boom on eating. I actually stayed out till about 2 plus 3 am before going home. It means that I am totally emo-ed up to be eating so much. All these that I am doing is something I hate and I am becoming a white wash tomb. I am fighting a losing battle now.
What I need now is my friends being there for me all the time. To cheer me up when I am down and to show concern when I am stressed up over school work. Most of all to enjoy a good meal with me. I can't afford to suffer anymore setbacks from friends anymore. I might not be able to take it emotionally.
Now I am trying to get back on track. To continue with a purified lifestyle. To know that whatever I am doing is supported by Him and to know that I am pleasing God and not man. Not to be affected by what man say and do. Someday somehow God will reward me with what I truly desire. A true friend who understands me and stand behind me in whatever I do.
zihao blogged at 6/08/2007 11:01:00 PM
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
"Don't underestimate your presence, someway somehow you have touched that special someone."
zihao blogged at 6/05/2007 08:28:00 PM
Monday, June 04, 2007
People say taking the first step is the most difficult. But in fact it is the reverse. The first step is the easiest but to maintain that momentum is the real challenge.
Like having the desire to learn singing. It is easy to just sign up for the course at any school that offer singing. But whether we can continue going for the lessons and take every criticise as a learning point is another thing.
Loving someone is also the same. To fall in love with someone is easy, but to be faithful is a challenge. When you are in love with someone, all the romantic words sound so touching. But is it all for real or just to flaunt your vocabulary? If it is for real, why the break up?
Often we just like to do something which we think we want but in fact it is not. It is just a sudden desire which will fade after some time. I think my decision to learn kayaking is the same. Getting my first star this month. Not sure what I am doing it for but since my friends are interested, might as well just go for it. You never know when it will come into use.
The point here is that we always have a lot of desires that we want to fulfill. In economics term, we have a lot of wants but very limited resources. That is why there is scarcity. We need to make decisions to what we really want. If we made a wrong move, there will be wastage. But who to gauge this?
When we choose one thing, we have to forgo another. This is the concept of specialisation. No one can have the total of every thing. Like if we choose God, we will forgo the world and when we choose relationship, we will forgo friendship. The bible says that we can't serve two masters. This is because if we are serving one, we will forgo the other. We can't serve both at an equal basis.
Therefore when we count the cost and made the first step, we must continue with it till the end. All the efforts that we put into it and all the things forgo will not return. Our youth will not come back even if we forgo the fame and fortune we now have.
The first step is easy because we never consider that much when we do things. But this is why we are still young. We can still afford to make some mistakes in life and using it as a learning experience. If we count every single cost there is, we will end up not doing anything. After all, we do not have enough experience in doing the cost and benefit analysis, so why waste the time?
In deciding to follow Christ, the same principle applies. If you really want to obey his will, just take the first step. Don't think about how your family members will react or what you have to do after this first step. Seriously nobody will think that much. Who will think of backsliding before they accept Him? Who when backslided will think of coming back to Christ?
In conclusion, the first step is the easiest step to take. There is less worries to consider. Less things to think about. But it means the most. It will determine whether you will head into the correct direction or not. Whether you will end up being hurt or not. But the key to all this is just one word,DECISION.
zihao blogged at 6/04/2007 09:01:00 PM
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Didn't go church today. It is because I woke up late, not because I don't want to go. Or maybe I am slowly getting used to missing church? I think I have lost this last string that is holding me together with church.
Maybe is the people, maybe is the place. Maybe is the environment, maybe is the situation. Maybe is the hurts, maybe is the discouragement. Or maybe even me. I just don't know the reason.
The fire is gone in me. It is easy to say, but when you are down it is very difficult to climb back up. Especially when you are physically and mentally drained. Like I told Sharon, my friends in church are those 'hi' and 'bye' friends. I don't know why but I don't feel comfortable with them.
I guess this is the state of backsliding? Melvin asked me a question yesterday. He asked whether I am going back to the G12. Deep in me, I don't wish to. The G12 I used to know doesn't exist. The friends I had is different. Seriously I am not sure if I can continue attending G12. The last thing I need now is a lecture from anyone.
All I need now is someone caring to listen to my story. Comfort me when I am down. Maybe a girlfriend, maybe not. But surely a close friend to understand.
Luke, not sure if you are reading this but I wish that you and her will be blessed. Hope you will treasure what you set out to achieve. May your relationship last till the end. Don't forget about your close friends you have beside you, mainly meng hui and melvin.
Anyway, went AMK to study with Sharon and Sophie. Went there around 3pm and only sharon was there. Did some studying there. But when the sky turned dark, we started to chat. We went with sophie to the few sports shop in the area to look for some shirt which we can't find. Sent Sophie off to the train station and Sharon and I went off to look for food.
Well to cut the story short, I was thinking of something Sharon said. Mr J and Mr G and a lot other also had the same misunderstanding. I was thinking about this as well and I guess they have the right to misunderstand.
We are actually very close this past weeks. Especially during this period where they just broke up. If I were to guess, I would say that we are a couple. I don't really mind, but I guess it is more difficult for her to take all this. Since it is mainly all her friends. But I hope this will not come between our friendship.
But seriously, we had a lot of things in common. The things we like to do, and the things we like. Maybe this is why people will misunderstood. But great minds think alike doesn't seem to ring a bell in this context.
To those who are in my church and reading this, I hope you all can understand my stand. I know what you all to tell me and I understand all the teaching. But it is just difficult for me to accept. I don't need the lectures, I know all that you all have to say. I understand it all. I just need the time. I have a deep wound that needs time to heal.
Meng hui, maybe you will read this maybe you won't. But I want to tell you that I miss you a lot. Miss your jokes and lameness. I miss the times talking about current issues and issues where no one else will think about. Hope we can find time for some catching up.
Emo-meter:200/100
zihao blogged at 6/03/2007 11:49:00 PM
Woke up on Saturday thinking I got a lot of time to spare because I got nothing planned for the day except the surprise birthday celebration.
I was quite board because time is passing real slow and there is nothing on the TV to watch. Then about one someone sms and asked me down to play Super Captain's ball. For those who don't know what it is, it is just Captain's ball but played on a soccer field. With the goal post as the scoring line. But it is for one week, I don't think I will want to play on anymore, I want to use my Saturdays to rest.
After that rush down to Redhill for the surprise party. It was quite fun. With all the water bomb and life CS with water bomb as weapons. spend quite a while there and really enjoyed the time with friends that I have not seen for quite a while.
Went home at about 10pm to bath and rush down to AMK to meet Sharon, Seow and Gab(don't noe how to spell the name). Played pool there and had a really nice time. Seow is a nice guy but sorry, just for the record, I am still sticking to my peppermint for now. Not that much interested in you but I am fine with just being friends. If you misunderstood.
Next time come down to Tiong bahru for good makan. There is a lot of good food around that is not to be missed. But now, I just feel like eating a nice buffet.
zihao blogged at 6/03/2007 12:38:00 PM
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Woke up in the morning feeling very emo. Don't really know what happened. Can't pin-point the exact source.
Activities planned for today but somehow don't feel like going. But made a promise, so had to turn up no matter what. Just hope that I won't get too emo there and destroy the mood.
Suddenly feel that everyone nearby is Christian. A bit of pressure for me. At the same time, I am put into a dilemma. Don't know which path to choose and which route to take. Don't want to face the same hurt again.
How much is the value of a friendship? Is it at the cost of a meal? A movie? An expensive gift? Or a stead? That is a question to ponder upon. This question sort of revolve around recent conversations.
Now that everything has ended, I hope to do learn something else. Maybe drumming or even guitar. Keyboard is fine as well. But for this two weeks, my wish is still to go GSS. Buy myself some clothes and what not. Maybe find one or two friends out and have a budget shopping.
Emo-meter:120/100
zihao blogged at 6/02/2007 11:20:00 AM
Friday, June 01, 2007
Well, had a really nice week despite having to go school. A lot of good friends here to cheer me up. Not feeling that depress anymore. Seems like there is new hope in the air.
Made new friends, did activities I haven done in a long time and also pour out my feelings and thoughts to someone. Very long never had a chance to do all this. Thanks to all who had contributed to this nice experience.
Went church today and the message really touch my heart. But I am not ready to return to Him again. There is still a hurt in me that just can't seem to heal. I don't know why. Fallen too deep into the friendship and can't seem to climb out.
I think I am trying to drug myself in forgetting, but when I woke up it just gets worse. Not sure what I should do.
Just when I hope to avoid church, church just appear before me. Her church, His church and their church. Is it a sign? I don't know.
Lets just have fun and be merry. Enjoy the night and don't think about tomorrow yet. What happened will never be in my control. Whatever is to be, will be.
Let me just find someone who loves me and give me love. Need not be someone that is very perfect, just need to be able to clique with me. Need the comfort and support.
