Sunday, June 03, 2007

Didn't go church today. It is because I woke up late, not because I don't want to go. Or maybe I am slowly getting used to missing church? I think I have lost this last string that is holding me together with church.

Maybe is the people, maybe is the place. Maybe is the environment, maybe is the situation. Maybe is the hurts, maybe is the discouragement. Or maybe even me. I just don't know the reason.

The fire is gone in me. It is easy to say, but when you are down it is very difficult to climb back up. Especially when you are physically and mentally drained. Like I told Sharon, my friends in church are those 'hi' and 'bye' friends. I don't know why but I don't feel comfortable with them.

I guess this is the state of backsliding? Melvin asked me a question yesterday. He asked whether I am going back to the G12. Deep in me, I don't wish to. The G12 I used to know doesn't exist. The friends I had is different. Seriously I am not sure if I can continue attending G12. The last thing I need now is a lecture from anyone.

All I need now is someone caring to listen to my story. Comfort me when I am down. Maybe a girlfriend, maybe not. But surely a close friend to understand.

Luke, not sure if you are reading this but I wish that you and her will be blessed. Hope you will treasure what you set out to achieve. May your relationship last till the end. Don't forget about your close friends you have beside you, mainly meng hui and melvin.

Anyway, went AMK to study with Sharon and Sophie. Went there around 3pm and only sharon was there. Did some studying there. But when the sky turned dark, we started to chat. We went with sophie to the few sports shop in the area to look for some shirt which we can't find. Sent Sophie off to the train station and Sharon and I went off to look for food.

Well to cut the story short, I was thinking of something Sharon said. Mr J and Mr G and a lot other also had the same misunderstanding. I was thinking about this as well and I guess they have the right to misunderstand.

We are actually very close this past weeks. Especially during this period where they just broke up. If I were to guess, I would say that we are a couple. I don't really mind, but I guess it is more difficult for her to take all this. Since it is mainly all her friends. But I hope this will not come between our friendship.

But seriously, we had a lot of things in common. The things we like to do, and the things we like. Maybe this is why people will misunderstood. But great minds think alike doesn't seem to ring a bell in this context.

To those who are in my church and reading this, I hope you all can understand my stand. I know what you all to tell me and I understand all the teaching. But it is just difficult for me to accept. I don't need the lectures, I know all that you all have to say. I understand it all. I just need the time. I have a deep wound that needs time to heal.

Meng hui, maybe you will read this maybe you won't. But I want to tell you that I miss you a lot. Miss your jokes and lameness. I miss the times talking about current issues and issues where no one else will think about. Hope we can find time for some catching up.

Emo-meter: 200/100