Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Today is YJC's 3 in 1 day. National day, college day and track and field all in one. wasn't really a fun day. Everyone was just hoping that the day will end very soon. Was looking forward to the lunch date.

Went out with my rumoured girlfriend. We went to Sakae at Woodlands for our meal. We went to window shop for a few hours before the teatime buffet. Practically walked into every shop that sells things. Then we went to Sakae to eat at 3pm. She is really good at eating. Never seen anyone with such an appetite. Makes me feel like asking her out for more buffet session.

Went to G12 with a heavy heart. Not because of anything but just that someone will be here. Someone I wished to see and talk to but I just don't know where and how to start. We just sit there like strangers throughout the whole session. Not that I don't want to interact but I just don't know how. Don't wish to make a mess of things or to get the wrong idea across. Most importantly, I don't know what is in his mind. Whether he wish to chat with me. Initially wanted to ask him for some fellowship after the session but I just can't put the words together. Don't know when will I have the chance again.

It lead me to remember the good old days we had. Joking and messing around together. But I guess it is a thing of the past. Nothing last forever. Every sweet dream will come a time when we have to wake up. A church friend reminded me that I am just here temporary and I will be moving back after my As. Deep in me, I don't really want to go back since he is here. But I guess it is not up to me to decide. I just have to pray and seek an answer. Just hoping that it will be an answer that I want. This heavy heart followed me back all the way.

From this few days of intense bible study, I understand that God has a plan in all of us. We need to follow his will. Doing what is just and accordance to His words. It is not on our own intellect to contemplate with what is prophesied. What is to happen will happen regardless of what we do. So why should we go against the wall and end up hurting ourselves? Why not follow the flow and we will end up in the reservoir of blessings.

Next week will be having my prelims. Don't ask if I am prepared or not. No one will be at this stage. Or should I say in any stages in this period. I just hope I don't fail too badly. I have too much to think about and I can't really concentrate on studies. I keep on drawing strength from my God to pull through. If not I guess I will be in depression by now. Who else can I turn to? My stress is building up. Talking to people doesn't really help. I guess I should keep it all to myself. It will be better for all. It can also be a source of motivation for me.

I am ExTrEmSaD. Forever will I be burdened by sorrow till the day I am delivered. I will always look forward to the day we can be like the past or even better.