Saturday, February 23, 2008

I came upon this blog entry of my friend about human cling-ing on to others, be it tangible or not. This led me on to ponder whether it is really the case.

If you got a friend who is rich and always buying you things and always giving treats, will you cling on to him all the time? You are able to go out and experience a lot of new things and the best part is that you don't even need to pay a cent. Won't that be nice? Would you cling on to such a person? It feels so good to have people buying you things you like and treating you like a king. Seriously, that experience would be the nicest of all. If I ever had such a friend, I would also cling on to him all the time.

In terms of intangible assets, our memories is also cling-able to many. We like to think about the good old days and remain in that unrealistic dream. We rather cling on to false testimonials that others give to us than to accept the fact of who we are. The truth hurts and no one wish to face the cold hard fact whether it is cruel or not.

In another case, we hope to cling on to another. We wanted to have a partner in life and we are constantly searching for a stead. How many youngsters nowadays can stand being alone without having a stead? Be it personal desire, peer pressure or what-so-ever, youngsters hope to find that someone to cling on.

Whatever the case, we love to cling on to whatever we can. We as human love that comfort that another can give. That is why we always find someone or something that we can cling on to.



Thursday, February 21, 2008

I have been in church for just a few years but I feel that I have been around for a very long time. So many things happened and I can't help but wonder what will be of the church 10 years down the road.

The impression of church members to many might be friendly and well-bonded. But I wonder if this is the case. Is there really no hidden agenda? I beg to differ. Christians are human after all. They will still have their goals and their egos. Christians can also make use of others to achieve what they want. Frankly, I am quite sick of all this. I am disgusted by all the dirty tricks that all this self proclaim christians do. If I have the authority, I will surely kick them out of church. They are the ones that pollute the church and clog its reputation.

I really hate to see my friends in church leave. I mean those who are really close to me. I don't have that many close friends, that is why I treasure them so much. I don't mind the rest of the people leaving. Anyway, they are just normal hi-bye type of friends. Now, I am facing such a situation. Frankly, to some extent I blame myself for the cause of his backsliding. I am not around to encourage him and support him. But I hope that I can still do something to help. If he really leave for good, I don't know how long more can I stay in this church.

How can I find anyone else that I can have the same feeling for? The bonding will never be the same. The friendship will never be the same. The jokes and chemistry will never be the same. It is not easy to see a friend leave your side, especially someone that close. There isn't any one that can substitute that friendship as well. I won't allow anyone to substitute that friendship either.

Lastly, to this close friend of mine. I will always be here for you when you need me. I will be that close friend that can share your woes and be your support whenever you need. You are a part of my life and the bond I have with the church. I want to spent another year with you and to celebrate your birthday and the new year with you.



Friday, February 15, 2008

Love is a very complicated thing. It can make or break even the strongest person. Love also has the power to change someone completely.

When someone fall in love, they can do anything that is seemingly ridiculous. Going to the extend of plucking the stars for their love ones and planning for the most romantic date that no one has ever seen. Valentine's day have just passed and it presented the most complete picture of what love can be like in many different pattern. Some spend lots of money to buy the most romantic present for their love ones. Some get their friends to help create the most romantic heart-shaped candles. Whatever ways it is, it is no doubt the most heartwarming scene.

However, I am not here to take about love itself. I want to talk about the negative side of love. When two person fall in love with each other, they are willing to do anything for them. For example, the guys might spend hundreds on just a normal date. At the end of the month, he have spend thousand over just on their expenses. They would also trade their friends in just to spend that quality time with their love ones.

It is especially stupid if you see it from an unbias viewpoint. Spending so much time and money on a relation that will not last. It is not worth it for that period of romance if you think through it maturely. Cash doesn't buy true love. Moreover, students are the ones that is doing it. Students who are studying and have no income at all. They take money from their parents to please their love ones. How stupid can that be. How sincere can that love be if it is from someone else?

But love has this amazing power to blind everyone. Love can make people do stupid things and still think that it is sensible. It can cloud their thoughts and hinder them from making sound decisions. More than often, they are unable to make the right call and they neglect on those who really care about them.

All this being said, love is still a sacred thing between two individual. I am not against love. In fact, I adore true love and I feel for all the romantic acts. But I am unable to accept the fact that some people do not understand love and try to act as if they are able to handle it.

Recently, a series of event happened. I don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing. Whoever is in this matter, I am really wondering about what is going on.

I really hate to get involve into matters that is not regarding me. But it never seems to be that easy. All kinds of problem keeps appearing before me. I wonder if I am being used. Whether he is using me as a camouflage for his personal satisfaction. But I rather choose to think that he is not such a person. But I do not really know him enough to gauge that. I can just take a step at a time.

I wonder if you are daring or that you are just plain stupid. The actions that you are the actions that I have warned you not to. I don't know what do you want to prove. Casanova doesn't do things that they can't sustain. I can only do that much. Don't wait until things happen and then you regret. Listen to other people's experience then you decide what to do. Don't think that you are that great by yourself.

In the working world, nothing is as simple as it seems. Everyone has a agenda. Everyone says that male instructors always come in with a ulterior motive and I have seen quite a lot of it. I do not wish to bring in someone with that motive. Have I done the wrong in bringing him in? Should I step in to do something? I am really not sure what to do know.



Sunday, February 10, 2008

Seriously I am feeling so f**ked up. Not pin-pointing anyone in particular. Maybe it is just my mood.

I never like to be involve in anything simply because I can never fake ignorance about things that I deem unfitting. Once I see something that is not in the right place or going the right way, I will not hesitate to stand up and comment on it. If I am ever in the wrong, I would rather my friends or my God come and tell me off. I get irritated when people try to brush me off. Likewise I will not do what I dislike to others. So, please if you like to do things your way never let me know.

My motto in life is "I am who I am". I hope that you who is reading this know will also adapt this motto in life. Never bother about what other people do or say. As long as it benefit yourself, just go ahead and do it. By benefiting I mean what is really good for yourself and not what you think is good. For example, people smoke and says that it can help to relieve stress. This is extremely common during major examination when students will use smoking as a form of releasing stress. But smoking in fact is bad for your health. I don't think I need to elaborate on that. So what will benefit is for one to not smoke instead and find an alternative to smoking.

There is more to life than self torment. One big reason why I can tolerate ah bengs is because I have once live in their shoes before. When I was in primary school, I skipped school, was canned by the principal, suspended, smoke, drink and did all kinds of stuff that kids think is trendy. But after doing all of it, it still doesn't fulfill that emptiness. Tattoo might seem trendy but it is a everlasting mark that will destroy your future. Think of what you want to do in the future. I can be more beng than anyone of you out there and I can make your life like hell if I want to. For those who is thinking of doing all these, unless you can outdo me don't try.

My temper is going from bad to worse. I think what I need now is some quiet time with God alone. I have this conviction this morning in church. I need to restart my spiritual walk. To begin everything afresh and put all my past achievements behind me. I can't do it alone and I really need help in this. I need the strength and mercy through my results which is coming out real soon and my family ties and friendships. I think this will be my agendas for this period of fasting.

I am not sure who is reading this post. But I request the help of two individuals who can help me through this period of trial. Luke Phua and Meng Hui, I hope that if you are reading this, you will pray for me as well and offer your help to me in this period of regaining my faith.



Friday, February 08, 2008

Recently, I am feeling not myself. The feeling is kind of weird. Maybe it is new year or maybe it is nearing to the release of A levels. Either case, it is causing a surge of emotions in me.

I have been thinking about my A levels results. I have made quite a number of plans on what to do after recieving my results. If my result is really bad(which stands a very high chance), I will be redoing my As in army. I will be signing up as a private candidate and study while I am in army. It is the best solution I have, unless I can find some ways to get my hands on a few thousand for me to kick start my own business.

Maybe this is the reason for my emo-ness recently. I have been very emo this few nights before I fall asleep. Friends out there, I will be missing out on many of the gatherings and outings. Reason being that I am either busy, booked or I do not have the mood to go out. I can't entertain people while I am emo-fied. So please don't give me pressure by asking me why. But for those whom I promised a date, I will surely fulfill my promise.

Or maybe it is army that made me so cranky. I have this urge to enter into army as soon as possible. The wait is killing me. I don't even have the mood to do camps anymore. It is just too long a wait. I don't even wish to postpone it to April. I just want to go in and come out as fast as I can.

Don't even think about relationship. I have made it clear to all that now is not the time for relationship. Maybe when I enter into army and get too used to the routine. But now, I just want to use my time for other things. I have not tried many things and I don't intent to give them all up just because of relationship.

Maybe it is friendship. Even since I am doing camp, I have less time with my friends. I really wish to spend time with them but I simple don't have the time. If you know who you are and is reading this blog, hope you will understand. I really miss you guys. After I go into army, I guess I will have less time for you.

I think it is all of this added up together that made me so emo. Valentine's day next week is also another problematic date. I hope to shun away from the crowd and avoid everyone.



Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Old friends... I really hope to find time to have a simple meal with you all...

Especially my special friend whom you know who you are...

I haven been updating my blog for a very long time. Now that I got the time, I want to record down all that have happened for the past weeks.

For the past weeks, I have be doing camps. So basically I was away from civilization for a very long time. The only modern technology I have with me is my handphone which I don't really have time to use. But I can still reply messages at night. I mean really late night like 12-2am that kind of slots.

But for this two weeks I don't have any camps. So I guess I will be around for this 2 weeks. I will be back doing my badminton coaching because I need the money. I am really broke and I don't have any spare cash on hand. So if anyone want to ask me out for a drink, please go to some cheap places.

Next week I might be going for campfire. That depends on my mood for the day and also who is going. If I can't find anyone to go with me, then I think I won't be going down. It is valentine's day and it is very sad for me to spend it alone in camp without anyone to accompany. So my fellow friends, you will know what to do.

For now, it will be a phase of resting and earning ready cash for me. The next time I appear again, I will regain my mojo.