Sunday, February 10, 2008

Seriously I am feeling so f**ked up. Not pin-pointing anyone in particular. Maybe it is just my mood.

I never like to be involve in anything simply because I can never fake ignorance about things that I deem unfitting. Once I see something that is not in the right place or going the right way, I will not hesitate to stand up and comment on it. If I am ever in the wrong, I would rather my friends or my God come and tell me off. I get irritated when people try to brush me off. Likewise I will not do what I dislike to others. So, please if you like to do things your way never let me know.

My motto in life is "I am who I am". I hope that you who is reading this know will also adapt this motto in life. Never bother about what other people do or say. As long as it benefit yourself, just go ahead and do it. By benefiting I mean what is really good for yourself and not what you think is good. For example, people smoke and says that it can help to relieve stress. This is extremely common during major examination when students will use smoking as a form of releasing stress. But smoking in fact is bad for your health. I don't think I need to elaborate on that. So what will benefit is for one to not smoke instead and find an alternative to smoking.

There is more to life than self torment. One big reason why I can tolerate ah bengs is because I have once live in their shoes before. When I was in primary school, I skipped school, was canned by the principal, suspended, smoke, drink and did all kinds of stuff that kids think is trendy. But after doing all of it, it still doesn't fulfill that emptiness. Tattoo might seem trendy but it is a everlasting mark that will destroy your future. Think of what you want to do in the future. I can be more beng than anyone of you out there and I can make your life like hell if I want to. For those who is thinking of doing all these, unless you can outdo me don't try.

My temper is going from bad to worse. I think what I need now is some quiet time with God alone. I have this conviction this morning in church. I need to restart my spiritual walk. To begin everything afresh and put all my past achievements behind me. I can't do it alone and I really need help in this. I need the strength and mercy through my results which is coming out real soon and my family ties and friendships. I think this will be my agendas for this period of fasting.

I am not sure who is reading this post. But I request the help of two individuals who can help me through this period of trial. Luke Phua and Meng Hui, I hope that if you are reading this, you will pray for me as well and offer your help to me in this period of regaining my faith.