Sunday, May 18, 2008

I have this thought of signing on. Be a regular in the army. Most likely as a commander in Tekong.

Don't get me wrong here. I am still not a army person nor do I support the idea of going into army. But I feel that it is a better place because I get to save up more money than being on the main island. Anyway, I don't think it will make much of a difference to anyone else other than myself.

In the meantime, I will be focusing on my business plan. Yes, I am going into my own business venture. With little start-up capital, I will aim to earn a monthly profit of at least a 4 figure for a start. It may sound little now but I rather start small and be realistic.



Sunday, May 11, 2008

Left with a few more hours to book in. The thing that I hate the most about army. I did not do much this time round. I only got time to rest at home and prepare myself for another long week of training.

Right now I am feeling rather emotionally down. I haven seem most of my friends for a long long time and I am really bothered by it. With all the physical and mental torture in the army, all that I can look forward to is a close friend to be by my side for the weekend and listen to all my complains or rather to eat good food with me. But it seems like I have not done so for a long time. I really miss all my friends. I really yearn to meet up with them and spend quality time together.

I am carrying this emotional burden for a long time already and I don't know how long more can I hold on and not collapse. I tried to find ways to block this feeling and to keep myself occupied but it seems to fail badly. I tried praying but there is really not a lot of time for me to do so in the army. Am I too emo? It is just too much for me to take. I really want a break. Now more than ever before.

This month is a unique month. Both my good friend Luke and Menghui is born in this very month. I have no time at all for them and I am feeling bad about it. It adds up to the mountain of pressure that is piling up in me. I really don't know how long can I hold on. The people in army fighting to outshine another is also another thing that bothers me. I have no wish to be in the limelight and to outshine the rest but it cause me to be in this very bad position which I really hate to be in.

How I wish I can stay at home and not go back to this dreadful island. Maybe to get a status which will excuse me from army....

This week I had my situation test. Well, in general I would say it is fun. But the marching and fast march is the killer of the whole part. Maybe I am not too used to it. 12km route march to location and 4km route march. If you are thinking it is easy, try doing it with a fieldpack of about 15-20kg.

I did not perform well at all in it. Why? Firstly, my detail or group is made up of mostly blacks. I am not being racist here but I don't know how else to put it. During the whole test, they fight to speak out. So it was like a whole lots of ideas flying around. I did not want to add on to it because the ideas were already messy and everyone was fighting to outshine the others. During the implementing of plans, they each do their own ways and don't care about the initial plan that was mentioned. So I have no mood to chip in much.

I am the kind of people that would keep my opinions to myself even though I know it is better. No trying to be proud of what. It is because the situation is already so messy and the others are too determine to execute their plans and it won't make any difference if I say it out or not. They fight to tie the ropes with me even when they are not sure how to do it. In the end they make a whole mess of the knots and lashes.

The weekend was short and I don't have time for myself at all. I really miss my friends whom I have not seem for a long time. I really want to spend time with my friends chating over a cup of coffee or what-so-ever. But time is not on my side. Too busy to take a rest and to relax. Hope to end this BMT phase.



Saturday, May 03, 2008

Don't really recall the last time I update my blog.

Soon all this will end. 1 more month to end of BMTC. I am still deciding whether I want to get into command school and be a commander and spend the rest of my 2 years of NS life in tekong training fresh recruits. Or I can slack and get into other units and be able to do camp as and when I like.

I miss doing camp so much. I really miss the actions and the news updates. Don't know when I can go back there.

Financially I am not managing well. Money is not coming in but money is going out. I really need to think of ways to earn more money. I want to be able to enjoy the relaxing lifestyle that everyone is enjoying....