Sunday, May 11, 2008

Left with a few more hours to book in. The thing that I hate the most about army. I did not do much this time round. I only got time to rest at home and prepare myself for another long week of training.

Right now I am feeling rather emotionally down. I haven seem most of my friends for a long long time and I am really bothered by it. With all the physical and mental torture in the army, all that I can look forward to is a close friend to be by my side for the weekend and listen to all my complains or rather to eat good food with me. But it seems like I have not done so for a long time. I really miss all my friends. I really yearn to meet up with them and spend quality time together.

I am carrying this emotional burden for a long time already and I don't know how long more can I hold on and not collapse. I tried to find ways to block this feeling and to keep myself occupied but it seems to fail badly. I tried praying but there is really not a lot of time for me to do so in the army. Am I too emo? It is just too much for me to take. I really want a break. Now more than ever before.

This month is a unique month. Both my good friend Luke and Menghui is born in this very month. I have no time at all for them and I am feeling bad about it. It adds up to the mountain of pressure that is piling up in me. I really don't know how long can I hold on. The people in army fighting to outshine another is also another thing that bothers me. I have no wish to be in the limelight and to outshine the rest but it cause me to be in this very bad position which I really hate to be in.

How I wish I can stay at home and not go back to this dreadful island. Maybe to get a status which will excuse me from army....