Sunday, July 30, 2006

Currently in a warfare with the satan. And I am at the losing end. I have lost the joy in the lord and the blessings he give. I have fall into many of the traps that the satan have set upon my feet. Feeling the coldness of the world.

I have lose to the satan in many of the battle in this constant warfare. I can't find the energy to fight this war and I just hope for some great miracles to happen. It all began when my partner in war switch to another. Since then, I have lost the ability to fight and my strength starts to grow weaker by day. I am now tired of this battle and I hope to be out of it. It is easier for a private to back down than for a general to back down from the fight.

It may sound suprise but I have totally forgotten hoe to fast and to keep a prayerful lifestyle. I have forgotten how long since I last read my bible and truly pray. I have not pray for ******* for a long time and I really miss *******. I have this kind of experience before but this is the only time that I can't get over it. Emptiness grow into jealousy and jealousy grows hatred. Without you to fight this war with me, I am sure to lose every battle and even the war.

So near yet so far is just the words to describe my feeling. If you go through this day with me, you might just know why. I really need someone close to talk to. I need that listening ear and that comfort. Maybe a change of environment and a break with help.