Saturday, June 23, 2007

S said that I was very high after I attended Church. Well it is true that I feel more relieved and light because I have thrown all my problems to God. Without any holding back, I pour out whatever sorrow I have.

But to me, this relieve is short. After a while, I am filled with pain and sorrow again. I am just too easily affected by what is happening. just simply ignored by someone will make me feel sad. I am just unable to give it up so easily. I need to rely on God to help me take away this weakness. I thought I have over come the pain, but I am wrong. All I have done is to hide the problem in one corner. When the light shines in, the spot will be revealed again.

I want to call him up one day and really talk things through with him. But I lack the courage. I know that it will solve the problem but it will also put an end to our friendship. I really don't want but I guess he have better friends around him and less of me make no difference. God be my witness that my friendship to him is only second to God himself. But things happen and we can't do anything to change it. Lets just see what God has planned.

I thought I have got over all these problems but have I really? I guess not. I just need help to get over the problem period. I need to concentrate on my studies now. I don't want to see you because you will bring back the whole matter. I am just so affected that I have no mood to go to school today. I am lacking behind but I am suppress by this load.

Who can I turn to? Sometimes God's voice seem so faint and I just can't make up what He is trying to say. Friends in Church? My cell group are all kids and my friends in church are no more there. Friends in school? Everyone is just stressed up with studies and I don't want to add on to their stress. Old friends? They are either in Army or busy with their final year. I don't blame anyone because we all have our own life to live.

Sometimes I just hope that I can take time off and go to somewhere quite with one or two close friends and just chill out and talk. So many things going through my mind now and I just can't focus on my studies. God, please help me. Who can I turn to for comfort and advice?

Emo-meter: 140/100