The Dark Dark Night

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Can't seem to sleep now. Maybe is the coffee I drank just a few hours ago? Or maybe is the tensed feeling I get whenever exams are near the corner?

Just a lot of things going through my mind right now. Complex, tensed, uneasy and nervous. Just a mixed feeling inside me now. I don't know how to pull through this situation. Prelims is just hours away and I am really under-prepared. I am preparing to fail but I just find it hard to swallow. I am putting everything on the line and trusting God. Everything has its purpose and I really did tried to study. I just hope that no one will pressurize me. I promise I will perform better in A levels. I am still aiming for my realistic Bs.

I don't mind failing. For those who know me from the past, you will know that I have failed through many test. I score 30 over points for my O level prelims but I am still able to pull through with God's blessings. I really can't take this pressure. Everyone is expecting me to do well but I am still not performing up to standards. I really need to focus after this prelims and aim for my results. Afterall, no one except myself can help me.

Right now, I just hope to see and hear from one person. Luke, I wonder if you will be reading this but I hope to tell you this. I really missed you very much. I hope that you can give me a call soon and have a random chat. I remember we had one long ago and I really missed it. I missed your voice and your laughter. I miss your prayers and the laying of your hand on me. I hope to meet you physically and hug you. No to worry, I am straight. I still love my eye-candy. Lets put everything aside and just have a good chat. To err is human.

I also missed Meng hui a lot. He is by far the best friend I ever had. We may not see eye to eye sometimes but we are still able to compromise and get things done. Together we can achieve great things. The times we had, the words we spoke. Every part of them I hold deep in me and never will I forget. All I hope for is a good meal and a nice chat like we once had. Just the two of us, and nothing more.

Sometimes I just hope that God will let me escape all these trials. Nothing that he put me through is easy. Always I am put into difficult situation. I really do not want to disappoint Him but many a times I am too weary to continue this walk. It is just so tiring to keep on asking for strength. But even at this moment, I still can't stop asking for His strength. Maybe this is what a true relationship with God is all about. Drawing strength from Him every second and asking for His guidance.

The stress of examinations and depressed spirit is taking over. I really need to void this feeling. It is getting worser by the minute. I find myself praying more and more. I find myself weaker and weaker. I am only living by God's mercy and sustenance.

God, I Need you now. Help me with my simple wish. You are always in my mind and I will always humble myself before you. Guide me, lead me. Comfort my heart and carry me on your back. Hold my hand and pull me along the path before me.

zihao blogged at 8/14/2007 12:02:00 AM

Comments: Post a Comment