Thursday, April 05, 2007

This week is definitely not my week. Again. Don't know what is wrong but I think I am at my wit end. It has been a roller-coaster ride for me.

As usual, Geography is giving so much work that I am not able to finish. Skimpy work as usual. Frankly speaking, where do we find the time to do all this work? Our life doesn't revolve around Geography alone. We still have so many other subjects to do and study. We will just be doing all this work blindly without any in-depth understanding.

I hasn't been at my peak for all the lessons. I fall asleep during math on Monday. Almost fall asleep for all the other lectures. Most terrible thing is that I don't think I have been absorbing anything this week. Got to see my A level's exam schedule. One thing good is that everything end early. But it also meant that I have to be well prepared because I do not have any time in between papers to really study. The bad thing is that I have a paper on the 14, my birthday. So sad. Don't get to celebrate my birthday on the actual day. I end my papers on the 15 so I guess I can only celebrate then. Who is willing to celebrate my birthday with me?

Another thing that is bothering me is my emotions. Feeling very weird. Try to fake the smiles and jokes in front of my schoolmates. It is taking a lot out of me to do all this. I hope that I can be myself and not fake someone whom I am not. Even if it means to outcast myself. A lot of thoughts just keep coming to my mind and I am not really managing them well. I really need a break or else I will breakdown any moment. I think the stress the main agent to my depressed feelings.

A question kept appearing on my mind this month. " who is my real friends?" How long will friendship last? If you are reading this, I guess you should be a friend of mine. So how long do you think our friendship will last? Who can I turn to when I needed a friend most? Are you really there when I needed a friend most? I wondered for a moment and I can't seem to find the answer. You have friends you preferred to be with and I have mine. What kind of friendship do we have? I am really confuse. I guess I can only confide to my worldly friends who are always there to give me comfort. At least you guys are always there when I needed a friend.

Badminton inter -JC is coming and it is that time of the year again. Training, training and still training. Seriously, I do not want to lose. I hope to get into the second round although it is not that easy. All this will be taking up most of my time both personal and studies. Everything is just so fast. Everything that happen, happened so fast that I don't have the time to stop and think about it.

I am fantasizing on going to this isolated beach and stay there for a long time. When time is not a factor and it appears to stopped at that moment. To be there to look at the sky and just reflect on my life. It is just so cool to be able to do so. A place without worries, troubles, problems and even hurts. I wish... How I wish...