Monday, May 07, 2007

Recently I have been very moody. So many things happened and I am not sure what should my reactions be. I just get sick of every thing and I am just unhappy with almost everything. Maybe it is just that my expectations of things are too high and sometimes unrealistic for others to follow.

Don't get this relationship thing. Is it totally out of control of man? If we do not seek for it, why would we get it? A lot of people say that guys go to church just because they want to find some pretty girls there. But is it true? I don't dare to say no. Is God really there in your life? If he did not give to you why want to persist? Don't you learn your lesson? Are guys really that desperate? What is the point of getting a girl friend at this age? To show off or to find company? If so let me ask you a question, is your vertical relation right before you seek a horizontal one? If not, you are getting a girlfriend at the expense of God's love. Why is it that your whole clique has such messed up life? What is the teaching of the group? Where did you all put God in your life? Why does this sort of things only appear in your group. Hate me for whatever it cost but I shall do the right thing. Even at the expense of friendship. If our friendship cannot endure this test, no point for us to continue with this friendship at all.

Friends in church has been such a disappointment. I once have high hope for you all but it is nothing more than a let down now. I think is the company. I do not want to judge but you be your own. Take some time to consider your actions and all that I have said to you. No point just complaining and doing nothing on your part. For example complaining that the group is always going back late. But you yourself choose to go out with them. If you know they will be late, why go? Is there no others in the church for you to go out with? It is just a matter of digging your own grave. No point to sin and repent and repeat the process again and again. If you only come to church for friends, I suggest all of you don't come at all. No point being a white wash tomb. Being holy only at the outside. I am not saying I am all holy and right but I dare to make my own decision. Please search your own heart when you do things. Don't hide a motive behind every action. Why do you stick with the group anyway? Because they support your wrong decisions? They encourage you to do the wrong things and sin with you? If coming to church is all about girls like what you have been doing, I am sorry but you have to change. Believe me as viewer of you comedy directed by the devil. Going home late on Friday and Sunday is a decision you made on your own. Another issue to address is going over to an opposite sex's house. Why is it only your clique that is always doing this? To go over alone and do things with a motive. I am sick of knowing all this that happened.

Is this church going the wrong way? Or is there something wrong with the teaching? I don't think I can stay on any longer with this kind of teaching. Before it, I am taught a set of values, but now I am being taught another. It just contradicts. My friend you will regret all this in the future. For me, I think I have seem enough of all this. I need a break from it. I do not want to be involve in all this love problem anymore. I want to be at a place where all my christian friends around me can be a role model to me. To help me grow stronger and not to learn the wrong things and compromise. My friend spoke to me yesterday and encourage me to leave. Maybe it is time I leave the church and decide where else to head on. Maybe even to take a break from this so-called Christian lifestyle where no one follows anymore.

The modern christians just have so little respect for God. Why do everyone think that by following their heart, God will bless them? Seeking something on your own accord will never last. Even if you do get it, it will not last to the end. Never do things that is not permitted by God. It is painful but true.

I am not trying to stop you people from doing what you are doing. I just want to let out all that is bothering me. If you really do treat me as a friend, you will listen to my words. I don't mind if you don't. Anyway I did my part my warning of the sin. To God, I have done my part. Hate me for all I care. I only want to please God not man. If what I do is wrong, may God hit me with a bolt of lightning.