Sunday, April 29, 2007

Currently listening to some sentimental hits. Made me think about a lot of things and a lot of things just float into my mind. I let my imagination run wild and some weird thought just surfaced.

While on duty today in church, I think about some stuff. Who in the church can I really considered friends. It is true that I know quite a number of my church-mate and many of them knows me as well. But I think I can only call them acquaintances. They don't know the real me and they know nothing about me. All of them just know that I play badminton and my school is YJC. None of them know my past and certainly not my future.

Some setbacks in life made me wonder about a lot of things. I am a christian for those who do not know it yet. I know that there is a heaven and hell. But where will I land myself? I dare not say I will certainly end up in heaven. I did not place God first in many aspect of life. But is not that I did not try. Is just that I can't sustain.

I get so much disappointment serving God. Lost friendships, Physical draining, time forgone and many more. But I did not get equivalent returns. I know I will be bless in heaven, but it is a long way there. Why can't anyone see things from my point of view? I do the things not because I want to, but because I feel that there is a greater need of me there.

The idea of backsliding appears in my mind also. I know the suffering in hell, but at least I get to reminisce on the past happiness. If I enter into heaven, I will have no good memories to bring along. I guess even if I really do backslide, no 'friends' will ever notice. No point being missed by those who do not care. I strongly believe that talk is cheap.

Nothing last forever. Today we can be very close friends, but the next day you can just treat me like stranger. Without even a smile or a hi. Needless to say asking me out. At least my 'worldly' friends will appreciate my presence. They will appreciate me being there and doing things together. I think I will be so much happier being with them. Just a simple meal with them brings so much joy into my life.

Now it is decision time. Do I want to harbor this idea of leaving and to be so much happier with real friends around me? Or do I want to stay on and challenge this struggle with friendship?

When you're weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, i will dry them all;
I'm on your side. when times get rough
And friends just can't be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

When you're down and out,
When you're on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
I'll take your part.
When darkness comes
And pains is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.