Sunday, July 01, 2007

Inspired by the blog of Ishi. For those who do not know who he is, maybe Soul will be more familiar. He is a member of Soul from superband. He was found dead in his Toyota Altis at the carpark of national stadium recently. He is also an instructor at studio Wu.

For the record, I am not a dance lover and I have no connection with him. Just curious to know what is going on in his mind to commit suicide. Young, talented and also very successful. Dance instructor at such a young age(or is it the norm?) and have all the fame and glory. But what people envy is usually what one is not really want.

Read his blog and found some things common of the both of us. He is a Scorpio like me. Most of all, he is also very emo. But in every way, he is more successful than me. He has a good job that he like, a car of his own and people recognising his work. I tried to understand what he is thinking as I was reading through all his entry. I put myself in his situation and I finally realised what might have cause him to make such a decision.

You may say that he is not contented with what he have but I think otherwise. To others, one might seem to have everything that is envy of many but to one, it is not what he really wants. What he really want he can't find. What he really need he cant get. It is just so sad to live the life he has. It is also very scary to know what happen when one just keeps everything to himself and when the time comes that he can't contain it, it will explode in his face and cause aftermath as serious as death.

I can just relate to how he is feeling and I am experiencing what he is. Jack of all trades but master of none. What is our life going to be? What is ahead of our walk? We may seem to have everything but what do we have actually. We might have a lot of contacts on our friendster but how many of them can we really trust with our life? Who is our true friends?

But death is an extreme solution to made. Why is it that people choose death as a solution? True, it may end our problems but we created more problems for others. Why cost others to pay for the price of our own actions? I can understand why he choose death nonetheless. I have considered death also but I did not execute the thought because I know I still got Jesus there for me. I can still pour out to him even when I am at the end of a fall. I just hope that I have a chance to know Ishi before all this that I might share with him the love of God. I have this feeling that we can really clique because we somewhat share the same idea on things.

His post on love has also materialise what I feel. Many a times, we are all selfish being. We want things for ourselves even if we don't say it out. To be in love because we want that extra set of comfort and love. We want something more complex than what we have. But who can we blame but ourselves? There is nothing wrong with that. I live the way he express this and I don't think I can outdo him.

His blog just let me think about quite a lot of things. Gaining new understanding of life after reading his blog and made me rethink of many things.