Sunday, February 25, 2007

In church today, Jolene asked me a good question. "have I made up my mind?" Well I wondered for a moment what was she asking about. Then I realise she was asking if I am going to leave ministry and church. After that second, my heart sank deep down. I was still happy to be in the house of God before that.

Deep down in me, I was convinced that I am leaving. But I just do not know how to put it to Wendy, my G12 leader. I am sorry that I cause all of you to worry but I am not the one that raise all this up to you all. I just hope to leave quietly.

To my old G12, I hope you all can focus more on the current members. I am of the past and I do not wish for you all to worry to much for me. Not to be harsh or what but you all have to read more of the bible and act in accordance to it. Not point trying to be concern for me yet forgetting that you all are lacking in God's obedience. That is one of the reason I want to leave the G12. You all may know God's word but you all never practice what you preach.

Firstly, the attitude of everyone in G12. Friends or no friends you all do not respect His authority. Seriously do you all come for the lesson or the fellowship? Do you all want God's blessing or you want it your way? How many do bring the bible to G12? Do you respect God's authority? Do you do what is right? Or do you make exceptions?

Secondly, the behaviour in church. No respect for the leaders in church. Do things your own way. Enter into the service late, demanding where you want to sit. Is there a need to enter late? Waiting for a friend to go in together? Isn't your friends Christian? Why put man before God? Is it not necessary to prepare our heart for worship? You people come early but just enter the service late. What is the reason? Did you come to worship man or God? Even for Luke, you used to bring a bible to church, but now? You only bring the thought of friends with you. Where is God in your heart?

Thirdly, Where is the hear of worship when you come to church? What is in your mind? To come and worship God? No. All of you want to come church on Sunday because you want to go out with friends. Don't denial it. It is true deep down within you. You come to church wanting to find your clique and to chat about your own topics instead of God. You people is more excited to know where to go after church, what to do and who is going. Even as leaders you all are doing the same.

Trying to convince me of God's hate against sin? Well for me to leave church is not as great a sin as fake prophets trying to preach God's words. In your action have you did what is right? I don't think so. So no point trying to tell me what I should or should not do.

I am disgusted by all your actions. I am disappointed by what you all have learnt. If I go on to write about what is not right with the G12, I can go on forever. So please don't try and talk me through. I will just want to leave even more. Search your own behaviours before trying to convince others. It will just show how hypocrite you people are.

Ever wondered why the G12 never grow? No point in cheap talking. Search all your actions. You people are just not doing what is in accordance to God's words. Is there equality? Is there bias-ness? Is there hypocrisy? If there isn't I won't want to leave. Maybe to others you might fake it through. But deep down you all will know what you all have done wrong. Have you all really glorify God in your actions? Followed the commandments?

How can I still stay in such an environment? I wish to grow spiritually. Well not that I did not mention all this during my stay. But you people are just too blinded by friendship that you all ignored my words. No point for me to stay if I can't get into your circle. If you people are happy with what you all are doing, so be it. May God have mercy on your soul.

I hate the people not because of personal reasons, but sometimes they do. Have you considered why I hate those people? If you people are more incline to God's words, you all will know who to mix with. Sorry to say but I am really disappointed in Luke. At first I thought you are the sensible one but I am wrong. You are just as folly as the world is. Not to be harsh or anything but if you don't change, you will never be prosperous in the name of the Lord. You do want your friends ask you to do. But you just forget to see if it is right in God's sight. Nowadays I see you always going out with your clique and spent a lot of money always. Going to place that require to spend a lot. And returning home late most of the times.

Is that right? Doesn't the bible teach you to honour your parents? Does going out early and returning home late honour them? Spending so much is right in God's sight? I am really sorry to say this but you are walking towards your doom if you don't change your ways. Not that I am jealous that you people are very close but as a friend, I just hope you know where the line is. You really have a lot of potential and I really hope that you will not put your talent to waste.

Anyway, my decision to leave is almost certain. Nothing except God himself can change my mind. I am saying all this in the authority of God. Not from me but from the father. I do not have a change to tell you all personally and I hope you all will read this. I do not live on the love of man but the love of God. You all can hate me and curse me but search your heart if it is really clear of sins.

Luke, I only hope you know where I am coming from. Do what is right in the eyes of God, not of man. Don't do things just to please your friends. Hate me for saying all this if you want. But just know that I say all this in concern for you.